Relationship Breakups What You Need To Know

Relationship breakups are a terrible thing, and are devastating for most people. What most people want, more than anything else, is to find someone to spend their lives with, someone who will always be there for you. Thinking you have this and then losing it is one of the worst events most people will suffer in their life.
After relationship breakups, people tend to suffer from the same kind of emotional healing process that people who have suffered the death of a loved one. This isnt surprising, since the death of a relationship is very much like the death of someone. But unlike the death of a person, sometimes something can be done to take back the death of a relationship.

Relationship breakups do not have to be forever in many cases. Far more relationships can be saved than those that are permanently destroyed. What you have to know and understand is the various kinds of relationship breakups that exists and what you can do about them.

This article is going to give you a brief look into the kinds of relationship breakups and what strategies youll need to undertake to fix them. Not all relationships can be repaired, and not all of them should be, but most of them can. You just need to know the right techniques for each kind of breakup.

The Abusive Relationship Breakups
This is a breakup that should stay a break up. Unlike the other relationship breakups, this one can and should stick. Theres a chance that you may be considering returning to someone who physically or mentally abused you, but you need to stick with this kind of breakup. No one should take being abused.

The Mutual Breakup
Sometimes, both people in the relationship may want out and the relationship ends by mutual consent. Now, if this is truly a mutual breakup, theres a good chance that this is another relationship that shouldnt be repaired. On the other hand, if it was just called a relationship and was really one of the next two kinds of relationship breakups, thats a different matter entirely.

They Broke Up with You
This is usually the most hurtful kind of break up. If this has happened to you, what you need to do first is figure out exactly why the relationship ended. Once you know this, you have to decide if what went wrong is something you could or should fix. If it is something you can and should fix, then this needs to be your starting point.

You Broke Up with Them
Sometimes, we break up with people and then realize weve thrown away something good. When this happens, the first thing you need to do is reestablish trust. This means that youre going to essentially start the relationship over. Start slow, with coffee dates or something similar, and then work your way slowly towards repairing the relationship.

No matter which of the relationship breakups youve experienced, you need to be aware that help is out there. You just need to find the right kind of advice and instruction to allow you to mend feeling and repair your relationship and get your ex back.
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My Boyfriend Dumped Me Picking Myself Back Up

“I feel like dying because my boyfriend dumped me!” It isnt the end of the world and it isnt even close. Even though it hurts, it isnt going to kill you. This is something that you can and will get over. It will take some work, some help, some readjusting in the way you think, and some time. Be sure that just because you are upset that “my boyfriend dumped me” doesnt mean that life stops, life goes on. Be ready for it.

Getting past the idea that “my boyfriend dumped me” isnt going to be easy but it also isnt going to be impossible. You are going to have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move along. The alternative means that you will be stuck wallowing in your own misery. If that is no life that you want to have then do what it takes to get out of it. It takes work to climb back out of the pit but the work is worth it.

Dont be afraid to ask for help but be careful where it is that you ask for it. If you are battling depression because of it, seek professional help. This doesnt mean that you are going crazy, depression is something that many people deal with so dont worry about people judging you. Do try to beat it, though.

It may be, though, that you have good friends or family that can help you out while you are trying to deal with that fact that “my boyfriend dumped me.” Be careful to not lay too much on these people, though, and when you ask for advice, follow it. If you are constantly complaining about your life and the situation but arent following up on what advice is given, they are going to reach a point that you dont want. They are going to get tired of you and cut you off or seriously consider it.

You should also re-frame the way you look at the situation. Try looking at it from a different angle or perspective. While you may see it as the end of the world, from another persons perspective, it may not be. Try to find that other persons perspective. Try to see what good it is that you have to offer someone. What are your best qualities? For sure there is going to be someone out there who will appreciate them. Wait for them to come along.

While you are waiting, find some way to improve yourself. Find something that you have long dreamed about doing and throw your life into it. If there is something non-romantic that you have longed to achieve in life, pursue it. Do you want to make yourself better in anyway, now is the time to do it. Try to find someway to use this time and that negative energy you have and do something positive with it.

The end result will be a happier you. Once you have found that happiness, it will become magnetic and draw in the person that you dream of, the one that makes you smile and makes you feel like you belong. It will make you look back on this dark time in your life when you were crying because “my boyfriend dumped me” and see it as one of the best things that ever happened to you.
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I Want My Wife Back 3 Tips

If you’re saying, “I want my wife back,” but you’re unsure where to start, there are some easy things you can do to make it possible. While no one tip or set of tips are going to guarantee that you’ll get your wife back, some things do work better than others. Soon you may not be saying, “I want my wife back,” but “why didn’t I do these things years ago?”
Being extra nice and polite is the first thing you have to do. That sounds ridiculously simple, doesn’t it? But when we’re with someone for a while, we tend to take them for granted. And if right now you’re saying, “I want my wife back” then this applies to you.
No matter what happens, you need to be on an even keel, nice and polite. Unfortunately, it’s easier to be nice and polite when you’re still together because you see her more often. But it is possible to run into someone often “accidentally on-purpose,” especially if you live in a small town or are part of a close-knit community.
Run into her often and use every moment you’re near her as an opportunity to show her that you can be considerate and polite. The important thing is to avoid things like getting angry or impatient with her.
Sometimes this is a difficult thing to judge. You might think your wife wants you to be jealous. Or you might think the whole breakup is a ploy to get you to act differently. If you keep thinking of the breakup along those terms, you’re in for a disappointment.
Sometimes people do break up with someone to prove a point and to get their lover to come around to their way of thinking. But most often it’s not a game, and the person left because they were unhappy with you and the relationship.
If you’re saying, “I want my wife back!” and you’re trying to convince yourself that she didn’t really intend to leave you, but instead meant get a rise out of you, stop thinking that way now.
You simply shouldn’t presume to know something that could be completely wrong. So assume that she had reasons that were good enough for her. And show her that there’s more to you than meets the eye.
So from being nice and polite, we move into being thoughtful. They are different things, though they’re overlapping, too. Being nice and polite can apply to everyday situations. Being thoughtful means going that extra mile.
Try sending her a card telling her she’s special. Send it for no real reason, no occasion, except to remind her that you think she’s special. Surprise her in a way you probably rarely did when you were together, and reap the rewards.
Finally, be thoughtful enough to leave her alone. You might think, “I want my wife back,” but if she’s not ready to try and you keep hounding her on the issue, you’ll only drive her further away.
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My Boyfriend Dumped Me What To Do Next

If youre thinking, "My boyfriend dumped me. Now what do I do?" youre not alone. Millions of people have been in the same position you are right now. Things do get better, whether you get back together with your boyfriend or not. But if youre despairing, "My boyfriend dumped me!" then you need to have a good cry and then get yourself together.

You probably want to get your ex back. While there are no guarantees that youll be able to get back together, there are some things you can do that will help. The first thing is to realize that people get dumped every day for a number of different reasons. And the one you think caused your breakup might not be the real reason.

You have stop assuming and stop telling people, "My boyfriend dumped me because of—“, fill in the blank, if youre not exactly sure thats why he dumped you. How do you know for sure why you were dumped? You have to ask, if you really want to know.

Be sure and only ask if you think you can take the truth, though. If asking could cause him to tell you something that youve suspected but have been in denial about, for instance, will it cause you more pain to find out than to not know? Maybe you should just let the past stay there, and work on the future, in that case.
But if you need to know—and you might if you really want to work things out—then youll have to ask. Try not arguing with the answer you get when you ask. Just accept that "my boyfriend dumped me because of this," and move on.

The next step is to simply ask if he thinks theres a chance. If the reason he broke up with you is something you believe you can fix, then you should make that clear to him. Let him know youre willing to work on these things because you believe that you have something special and you want to make it work
It might really be hard to do these things. Being dumped hurts. But if you want to get back together and make your relationship work, then there has to be honest communication going on between you. And the worst thing that can happen is that things arent going to work out.

If thats the case and theres no chance of you getting back together despite any efforts you might put forth, then at least you made the effort and probably learned something about yourself.

Examine the reasons he broke up with you and you might decide that its not really a bad thing. Even if you know youre better off, it feels crummy to get dumped. Be nice to yourself and treat yourself to a facial or a pedicure.

And try to remember that "My boyfriend dumped me!" is something that many others have had to deal with, and they made things work out, so you can too.
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How To Save My Marriage

Do you wonder “how to save my marriage?”  This article tells you how to save your marriage.
First, you need to identify the trouble in your relationship.  Some common troubles include:
· Money concerns
· Child rearing difficulties
· Lack of sex
· Lack of communication
· Loss of identity
And, of course, there are many others.  You may discover that there is one main problem or you may identify several smaller problems that are eating away at your marriage. 
When you identify the problem or problems that are at the root of your marriage troubles, you will be able to move on to the next step which is close, personal interaction.
In this step, you will need to be open to extensive conversation.  If you have not had a lot of open communication during your marriage, you may want to consider counseling in order to facilitate the personal interaction that is key to this step. 
If you really want to save your marriage, you will set aside time to work on your marriage issues every single day.  You could set aside some time like after the children go to bed or you could decide to take a walk after dinner every day for just the two of you.  But, you should plan to get back in touch with each other.  A daily habit of quality time with your spouse is very important.
Take some “romantic time” each week.  For some couples, this means reinstating a “date night” every week.  On Tuesdays, for instance, you get a sitter and go out for a picnic or walk around the mall.  As you can see, this doesn’t have to involve wine and roses every week, but a romantic time that you can look forward to all week is essential.
As you spend time together being romantic and discussing your problems, you must have an open mind toward what your partner is telling you.  You need to understand that a lot of the problems in your marriage are caused by – get this – you!  Until you really listen to your partner, you are not going to be able to effect the kind of personal change necessary to save your marriage.
You need to have faith in your partner.  You need to give him or her the benefit of the doubt.  You need to believe that the marriage still can and will work.  You also need to believe that your partner is still essentially the same person he or she was when you married them.  If you cannot have faith in your partner and in your marriage, you might as well give up now.
Finally, you have to be open to forgiveness.  If your partner has made mistakes – even major ones – you must be able to forgive.  If you insist that there are things that cannot be forgiven, there is no hope for your marriage. 
Everyone makes mistakes.  Some people make big mistakes.  If that person makes a genuine apology – which includes acts of contrition and an effort to change – they deserve forgiveness.
This article gave you answers to that perplexing question, “how to save my marriage.”
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Your Question How To Get My Wife To Love Me Again Your Answer Here

Its a tough one youve been asking yourself for a while now. . . "How to get my wife to love me again?"
There are many avenues that need to be explored when coming up with an answer to your question and of course the answers depend on your specific situation and circumstances. But there are some basic strategies that any man can apply towards gaining his wifes love back.
First, you need to figure out why your wife has stopped loving you (or why she says that she doesnt love you anymore, even if that may not be true).
What are some common reasons for this?
Reason Number 1:
Ive lost my wifes love because I had an affair and she found out.
Reason Number 2:
My wife found someone new that she feels is better than me.
Reason Number 3:
I havent stuck to my promises and agreements. I promised her that I would change my attitude or some of the things that annoy her but I havent done so. This has lead to disappointment and loss of hope on her part.
Reason Number 4:
I neglected my wife in her eyes. I didnt give her the love and attention she needed.
Reason Number 5: I tried to control everything she did. I didnt allow my wife enough freedom and space to do what she wanted.
Once youve identified the reason or combination of reasons, you can start to go to work on the problem. Many marriages that fail do so because the real problems arent really understood. Communication is a huge part of making the marriage work - and men think differently than women so even if you think you know how your wife feels about something (because thats the way you feel), chances are you probably dont. So talk to her.
Without the right communication, its really hard to resolve and kind of conflict, big or small. The right kind of communication will allow your damaged relationship to start recuperating and later to thrive if you give your wife the opportunity to share her dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with you.
If your wife has conceded to trying in the marriage again, dont just go back to what wasnt working. Keep things interesting, do little things to show your wife how much you love and appreciate her or do something pleasantly surprising.
Keeping your promises is another important part of the equation. If you havent kept your promises in the past, start doing so now. Your past broken promises have no doubt ruined the trust in your relationship but you can start repairing that now.
Finally, give your wife the space and time she needs. Let her know that you are there for her but dont smother her.
Hopefully the above information is enough to get you started working on your solving your big concern of "How to get my wife to love me again".
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Can I Get My Ex To Love Me Again Yes I Can

So youre now single or with someone new. . .but you cant get your ex out of your mind. Youre always thinking "How can I get my ex to love me again. . ." And then you probably push the thought away because it seems impossible. The good news is that you can get your ex back in your arms. It has been done before, and not infrequently, and it can be done again, by you.

Men and women get out of relationships for different reasons, many of which are not understood by the opposite sex because mens and womens brains are wired differently. This makes things even more confusing. Some situations seem to be pretty straight-forward but most arent.

So before we tackle your goal of getting your ex back, lets take a look at why he or she isnt around in the first place.

Why do men leave relationships? Its pretty simple, really. They leave when they arent getting what they need. And one sure thing that they need is admiration and respect. It might be for that reason that they they left . . .and maybe they found it somewhere else. One of the most common reasons men give for leaving their wife or girlfriend is “No matter what I did, I couldn’t make her happy!”

Why do women leave relationships? They leave because they feel unappreciated and/or they leave because they are bored. What do you commonly hear from unhappy women? “He doesn’t appreciate a thing I do!”
Now, you might think that your exs reasons for leaving dont fit into one of those categories. You may be thinking, "my husband left me because I cheated on him." But why did you cheat on him in the first place? It probably has something to do with the fact that you werent getting the attention and appreciation you needed. Or maybe youre thinking. . .although thats not an excuse. Or maybe youre thinking "My girlfriend left me because I was never around." But ask yourself, why were you never around?

Now that youre not in continuous contact with your ex, you can take time to look at things more objectively. Use this time constructively to list all the positive and negative factors in your relationship. In the meantime, make sure you take care of yourself, eat healthy foods and exercise when possible.

Then, after youve had time to concentrate on yourself and look at your relationship with more objective eyes, you can think about making that first contact with your ex. Ask him or her out for coffee in a nonchalant manner. If he or she says yes, go out, talk about light non-threatening subjects and keep it short. At the end of the date, dont re-schedule another unless your ex suggests it. So, in answer to your question "Can I get my ex to love me again?" Yes, you can!

The date may go well, the date may go ok or the date may go terribly. In the last case, youll need to re-evaluate your situation and see if you want to continue trying later on or if you need to think about moving on.
But if the date goes well, you will see how the answer to "Can I Get My Ex to Love Me Again?" is "Yes, I can!"
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Win your girlfriend back!

Quoting from Win your girlfriend back! at HelpGettingBackTogether.com

I cant know for sure exactly what the situation is between you and the girlfriend who broke up with you. I dont know how long it has been since you broke up, or since you last talked to her. Is she angry at you? Is she already seeing someone else? Do you have children together? These are all things I dont know.

But I do know this: if you want to win your girlfriend back, you have to approach it systematically. You have to make a plan, and stick with it. This is what works.

Read the rest of this new article about winning back your ex girlfriend here, at Win your girlfriend back!, or offsite.
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I Want My Wife To Love Me Again

Are you unable to think about anything except "I want my wife to love me again"? Has your marriage gone by the wayside and you dont know why or what to do about it? Here are some tips that can help you out.
If you dont know why your wife has stopped loving you (or so she says), then thats the first thing you need to figure out. First of all, if your wife is still with you, then she probably does still love you. If she didnt, she would be somewhere else. So thats something positive you want to keep in mind. So why is she saying that she doesnt love you or just acting like she doesnt love you?
The main reason that a woman will feel like shes fallen out of love is because she isnt getting the attention and appreciation that she craves. Women are multi-faceted and do many things for you and your family. They work, take care of the kids, do all the household duties, have a social life that includes other friends and families and other interests that you both may not share.
So, ask yourself, do you appreciate everything your wife does for you? Do you apprecitate that she is her own person and has her own ideas and interests, not all of which will be the same as yours. Do you appreciate all the little things she does to show you she cares? If so, then you need to let her know if you havent already.
On the other hand, there is such a thing as overdoing it. You dont want to be fawning all over your wife and constantly asking her whats wrong and how you can help her or make her feel more loved. If youve been doing that and its just making her push you away even more, then its time to stop. Dont be negative or hostile about it. continue to be positive and cheerful.
But just give her space. Focus on taking care of yourself. Make sure youre eating right, exercising and going out with friends. Take the kids out on your own and leave your wife some time to herself. You can still offer comments up like "Boy, you sure do look nice today" but leave it at that. Then walk out the door and go to work.
Once you step back a bit and give your wife some space, as well as focus on yourself and show her that you are not going to dye without her, she will start to see you as someone that is to be admired and appreciated as well. Take it slow and let her make the first move towards you again. Hopefully this has helped you take some of the mystery and pain out of the statement "I want my wife to love me again."
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Stop My Divorce

Divorces are at an all time high.  Sometimes it seems that it’s easier to get a divorce than to get married. 
People get hurt in divorce.  The parties are forever scarred.  Children, if there are any, never get over the hurt.  Knowing this, you may be wondering “How do I stop my divorce?”
There are three steps to stopping a divorce. 
The first thing that you have to realize is that saying you’ve changed does not mean you really have changed.  If you are the person who is at fault in the relationship, it’s not enough to give lip service to the idea of change.
If you have been having affairs, for instance, it is going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways.  It is not enough to tell your partner that you’re not stepping out anymore.  You will have to take concrete actions.  As an example, you may need to allow your partner to “monitor” your activities by checking in with him or her on a frequent basis.  If your job requires you to travel, you may have to look for a new job that keeps you close to home.
Other things besides affairs can mess up a relationship.  For instance, if the wife’s spending habits are causing money problems which weaken the marriage, she may have to commit to cutting up the credit cards and living on a cash allowance.  If the husband’s work habits keep him away from home too often, he may have to commit to being home by 6:30 every night no matter what.  At the crux of this step is what is the most important thing in your life?  If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes.  But don’t just give lip service to them.  Actions speak louder than words.
The next step is to avoid using emotional blackmail if you want to stop your divorce.  Recognize that love is NOT enough to save your marriage.  Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument will not win you any points.  When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, your partner is forced to say “I love you, BUT…”  this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you.
Use the powerful “I love you” message when your wounds are mended, not at the heat of an argument. 
You can’t use logic or guilt to change your partner’s mind.  Arguing like this will only involve a spiraling argument.  If you feel you must win, then you will lose.  
Finally, don’t think that you can win an argument.  Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they are right and their partner is wrong.  This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not facts) it’s sure to fail.  Instead of arguing, solve the problem.  If your spouse brings up a fault in you, discuss possible solutions rather than argue back. 
Are you wondering how to “stop my divorce?”  Start by following the “stop my divorce” advice I’ve laid out in this article.
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Does my ex want me back Real questions with real answers

Here is an excerpt from a new article on HelpGettingBackTogether.com:

"I think this behavior in an ex girlfriend qualifies as a sign she wants you back. I think youre seeing her playing hard to get, and acting like she doesnt care.

Both of those behaviors are ones you see recommended for people who want to get back together with their ex. Since youre seeing it in her, some friend or website probably recommended it to her. Or maybe she even thought it up herself."

Read the full text here, for answers to real questions about whether or not your ex girlfriend wants you back: Does my ex want me back? - Real questions with real answers

Its also available here: (offsite)
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PULL It Together Help Save Marriage

Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. Its heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you dont want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.

Chill out:
Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.

The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.

Understand what is happening:
While you are “chilling out” and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.

Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.

Laugh at yourselves:
This doesnt mean to make light of the situation but it does mean dont take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.

It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule  thing can turn into something so huge when it didnt have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, “Sometime we are going to look back at this and laugh!” Why wait?

Look for ways to improve:
Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at its root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.

The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve. If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.

To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together...the two of you.
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Im Still In Love With My Ex

Do you say, “I’m still in love with my ex!” and wonder how you’re going to get through the hours, let alone the next days? It’s common to feel completely overwhelmed after a breakup, especially if you’re not the one what wanted to end it. And if you sit around thinking, “I’m still in love with my ex,” you’re only making it harder on yourself.
Of course, if you’re really in love with your ex you could make an effort to get back together. There’s no guarantee that anything you do will get you back together, but you could still try. Often, being genuine and just making it really clear that you don’t want to lose your ex will be enough to move them to give it another chance.
If cheating was involved in some capacity, then their wanting to come back is less likely, but it’s still possible. If you cheated, you might think it’s going to be harder to get them back.
But if they cheated and that relationship has ended, it’s still harder to get them back once they’ve been with someone else. And it’s going to take a long time for you to start trusting each other again.
It’s important for you to decide that if your ex gives in and comes back, how will you keep from falling into the same patterns the next time around? You can say, “I’m still in love with my ex!” until you’re blue in the face, and that won’t chance whether or not you have problems in the future.
It’s really easy to be in love with someone. But making a relationship work is tough and time consuming. And you have the added difficulty of overcoming a break up. You can try to convince your ex that if you get back together you’ll change your ways, and maybe they’ll believe you.
But the best thing you can do is simply show that you’ve changed your ways, without saying much about it. Actions really do almost always speak much louder than words, so the things you do are going to be noticed more by your ex than the things you say.
It’s important to say the right things, too. But it’s more important to do the right things. If you’re really still in love with them then you should want to change your actions dramatically, at least right now. When you think your actions might make a difference it’s easy to feel like you can change many things about yourself.
What you have to determine is whether or not you can really follow through with it. There’s no point in making promises to your ex that you’re not going to be able to keep.
If you have any doubt that you’ll want to make the changes that you or your ex feel are necessary, then you shouldn’t promise that you’ll make them. Though you say, “I’m still in love with my ex, “ you have to remember than only lasting changes will matter, not just a fast change to win them back.
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Series Communicating with your ex Part 3

The third part in this 3-part series pertains to email communication.

Again, although it addresses divorced parents, the wisdom within applies to anyone in danger of sending an overly-emotional email to an ex.

If youre wanting to get your ex back, you need to be careful how you communicate by email. You want to send an agreeable message, not a confrontational one. -- Kit.

Three Email Communication Mistakes That Will Inflame Conflict Between Divorced Couples

By Mary Wollard

More and more, communication between divorced parents occurs by email. This can be an effective way to reduce conflict between parents. If you commit one or more of these three common email mistakes, however, you might create or heighten conflict. What are these common email communication mistakes, and how you can fix them to reduce conflict with the other parent?

Mistake #1 - USING TOO MANY CAPS

One of the first guidelines of email etiquette is not to type words in all capital letters, because that is akin to shouting. When I first heard that, I didnt really believe it. That was until email became part of my all-day, every-day life, and then I received a message that was written mostly in caps.

It just set me on edge, like fingernails on a blackboard (do people even remember that sound anymore?). After that I started paying closer attention to emails, not just to me, but between my clients.

I found that the use of caps in emails between high-conflict parents triggers anger reactions. The caps dont add anything of substance to the communication and cause the communications to quickly deteriorate. Once the anger kicks in, effective communication really becomes impossible.

If you find yourself moved to use caps in your email, ask yourself what you are trying to achieve. Then, find some other way to communicate that.

Mistake #2 - Sarcasm and humor

When we talk to someone, our words are only a part of the communication. We use hand gestures; raise an eyebrow; make our voice higher or lower, louder or softer; laugh; smile; or frown. All of these things convey our true meaning to the person were talking to.

When you write an email, all of these nuances are gone and you are left only with the raw words of your message. In your own mind, you are often adding all of those hand gestures, facial expressions and intonations. The problem is that the person reading your email cant see into your mind. Sarcasm and humor are both highly dependent on extraneous visual and auditory cues. Since these arent available in writing, your attempts at sarcasm and humor in email will likely fail or be misconstrued.

Those cute little emoticons (the smiling, laughing, winking, or sad faces) people add to their email werent just created by people with way too much time on their hands. They are an effort to show the spirit of the words in the email so the receiver can better understand whats being said. Without something like that, the receiver has no way of knowing your intentions.

If your relationship with the other parent is stressed and full of conflict, your best practice is to leave attempts at sarcasm and humor out of your email.

Mistake #3 - Sending too soon

During a heated exchange, you may type something you would never want someone else to see. When you communicate by email, you are putting your angry thoughts into writing and you make it possible for anyone - including your children - to witness that anger long after youve cooled down.

A good rule of thumb is to pause before you send any message that you feel emotionally charged about. Stand up and walk away from the computer for a few minutes or even a few hours. When you come back, make sure that the message youre sending is something you are ok with being in print.

I cant stress enough the powerful effect communication has on the level of conflict in your relationship with the other parent. Creating healthy new patterns of communication can break the destructive cycle of conflict and allow both parents to focus on building good relationships with their children.

© 2009, Mary Wollard, J.D., Family Solutions Center, LLC


Mary A. Wollard, JD, is an attorney, mediator, and arbitrator with over 20 years experience in solving the legal issues of divorce, parenting (custody), marital property and support. In addition to helping families through mediation and arbitration, Ms. Wollard provides parenting coordination and decision-making services to families when on-going conflict prevents them from fully implementing their parenting plan after divorce. Visit http://www.cofamilysolutions.com/downloads.htm for free downloadable worksheets you can use to organize your familys transition.

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I Want My Husband Back Some Tips For Reconciliation

If you are separated from your husband physically or emotionally, the thought of the failure of your relationship can be unbearable. You do not want to give up on your marriage, so all you think is I want my husband back. Depending on the extent of the problems between the two of you, reconciliation can be difficult but not impossible.
You may have tried everything that you can think of to get him back to no avail.  Here are some other ideas to consider to help you reach your goal of reconciliation.
1. Give him some space.  Some men feel limited in their marriage, like they are boxed in. The more limitations he feels are placed on him may make him distant and emotionally unavailable due to this feeling.  By having a little freedom to tinker in the garage, watch sports or hang out with the guys on a regular basis, your husband will appreciate it and enjoy the time he spends with you and your family more.
2. Limit contact. If you are separated from your husband, keep your contact with him to a minimum. This is important because it will give him a chance to work through his feelings of the separation. While your separation has been very upsetting to you, it can be just as upsetting to him. You may be thinking I want my husband back so I need to talk to him and reason with him to pull your marriage together, but constant contact could prove to be more divisive than helpful. By limiting contact, you give both of you the time you need to step back and look at your situation objectively and make positive changes that can bring you together again.
3. Be introspective. Regardless of who is at fault for the problems in your marriage, both of you need to work together to mend your relationship. Be objective and take a look at your faults. Think about what you can do or changes you can make that can bring you together. This can involve being a better listener, nagging less or showing your husband more attention.
4. Set priorities. Your relationship with your husband may have deteriorated due to your work or other commitments outside of your home. Find ways to make time for your husband and show him how important he is to you. It is also important for him to do the same for you. As determined as you may to get your husband back, unless you both work towards a resolution it will not happen.
5. Listen. When he is ready to talk, make sure that you listen to everything he has to say as objectively as possible. Address any questions he has directly and communicate your feelings clearly to him. Have an honest discussion with him and make sure that he feels that he is heard and understood. This is an emotional situation that you are in, however be as calm as possible as getting upset will not be helpful. 
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Please Help Me Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

How many times do men ask their friends how do I get my ex girlfriend back?  Honestly, I thought it was a womans prerogative to change her mind.  Some men just dont know when they are onto a good thing and their reasons for ending relationships border on the ridiculous.

My male friends have finished with girls for:
1) wearing the wrong type of shoes!
2) Her mother
3) The new barmaid at his favorite bar smiled at him.

Now ok I know that a pretty face can turn any mans head and there is the dreaded notion that a woman may turn into her mother but come on guys - the wrong type of shoes?  If women didnt date men because of the clothes they were wearing the human race would have died out long ago.  Behind every well dressed man is a good woman- in early life his mother and later his wife!

I always tell my men friends that they need to make a list before they break up with their partners.  On one side of the list, you put her good points.  Do you find her interesting? Does she look after you?  Does she cook for you?  Does she laugh at your jokes?  Are you attracted to her?

On the other side of the list, they can put the things that wind them up.  Ok she may nag at little too much but then if you put the toilet seat down she might stop.  She may not want more than a cuddle every evening but five times a week doesnt mean that she isnt caring enough.

Writing the good and bad points of your life together down on paper may seem like a cold approach but it is a very practical way of seeing what a great relationship you do/did have. You need to compare the two lists and decide if you should be breaking up with this woman. If you are doing it after the event, it also helps to clarify if you made the right decision to finish the relationship. Sometimes we regret breaking up as we end up feeling lonely.  But loneliness is not a reason to get back together.

If you have dumped the lady in your life but now know it was the wrong decision you need to act fast.  Great life partners do not grow on trees.  She has shown that she will put up with you in all your glory - how many women would be mad enough to do that? 

Take a leaf out Richard Geres book and put some romance back into her life.  Send her flowers - not a bunch of red roses but some of her favorites.  Send her a handwritten letter telling her how much you love her and miss her.  Book her favorite restaurant and treat her to a night out.  In short, you need to treat her just like the princess you believe her to be and assuming you are not a complete disgrace, you wont have ask how to get my ex girlfriend back.
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How to ask out your ex girlfriend

Sup guys. I know this isnt really a "guide" but this is just my past experience that may help some of u. Well i know this may not have to do with a lot of people on the forum but if you have an ex-girlfriend and want to ask her out cause you still love her, you might be saying, "what do i do?" I went out with the same girl in 7th grade and 10th-11th grade.

Picture this, it is 10th grade the girl who was your dream going out with many different guys and you still love her. You might say, "WTF do i do to date this girl again." I didnt go out with anyone else until this point in my life other than her and she has gone out with like 6 guys after me. I honestly just couldnt move on from her in 10th.

I never really talked to her from 8th-9th but in the beginning in 10th we had long awkward convo while we were sitting in a free track talking about the dumb things i did in 7th. She said, "If i didnt screw up so much, we would still be together." I was stunned. A light bulb lit up in my head.


I started talking to one of her friends who was also my friend for a while in high school and she gave me some advice, "Go talk to her and apologize for what you have done in the past." Confidence is the key to success in this situation.

I texted her and asked her if i could talk to her at lunch and this really secluded area on the campus where all these nice trees/flowers. I told her, "Ever since you told me that we would still be together, i have been thinking about a lot of things. I was thinking that i was not good enough for u so i did those stupid things. I still have mixed feelings and care about you still." She interupted me and said, "Hey its fine if you dont want to tell me more about the feelings. Just lemme know if you wanna talk again."

I dont remember the whole convo cause now i am 2nd year in college but that was the main stuff i remembered. After 3-4 weeks of waiting for to text me i realized that i was the one who had to confront her and talk to her again. I texted her again, "Hey are you busy tomorrow at lunch. Maybe we can talk again at that place." She said, "Yea sure ."

It was the night before i was going to talk to her and at this point i couldnt sleep. I was going over the different possibilities of her reaction to, "I love you."
1. "Do i know you"
2. "You just pissed your pants"
3. "You gotta be joking me"
4. "...Umm okay..."
5. the best answer  "I love you too!!"

Believe me those 4 classes before i had to talk to her went so slowly. I was contemplating what to say. I finally met up with her at this table when she was talking to her friends and i said, "You want to talk now" I led her to the secluded area again and told her, "I wish that I could have had the golden opportunity to ask you out for the 1st time in 10th other than 7th cause i am much more mature now."

she smiled a little and turned a little red and said, "Okay... so what are you trying to say." I said, "I cant hide this anymore. I love you. I dont know if you feel the same but I cant get over you. It has been about 2-3 years but i am still in love with you and I want to have another chance."

She looked away from me for a second without saying anything, "I feel the same way but i never had the guts to tell you. I thought that finding other guys would make me feel more secure and happier after our painful break up."

I turned away and smiled and then i gained my composure again and said, "Will you go out with me." She said, "Yes" and hugged me.

We went out for about 2 years after that and then broke up before i could ask her to prom... Well that is my middle and high school social life. Hope you have learned something from my rant.

-Robin
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How To Save Your Relationship After Adultery

After adultery a relationship is the weakest its ever likely to be, but this can be a good thing. This sounds like it is hard to believe, but the truth is that the time after adultery is also the time that can make or break a relationship, which can be a huge opportunity.
Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isnt the problem, its the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if theres anything good to come after adultery, its knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.
The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. Theres an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.
After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isnt optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what youll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.
The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since youre dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.
The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not they were sleeping with someone else. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.
After youve done those two things, its time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.
Although youre being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isnt to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.
Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
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I Want Him To Love Me Again

"I want him to love me again" is expressed by many women all over the world, in different languages, environments and situations. Some married women find themselves saying those exact words to close friends or family members when theyre not feeling the intimacy that was once an everyday part of their marriage.
Some women have been on the bad end of a breakup or divorce and desire nothing more than the return of their man and his love. And some women were the instigators of the broken relationship, citing the loss of love as a reason or possibly rethinking their decision and hoping to return to the way things were. Whatever the situation, the sentiment is heartfelt but the solutions not always easy or clear cut.
If youre trying to win back your guys love, one thing you need to understand is what men look for in a relationship and whether or not this was missing in yours. So, what are the things that men need? Above all, men crave admiration. So you need to let him know that hes wanted and admired.
While it may be obvious for you, it probably wont be as much so or enough to him, so when in doubt, go overboard with flirtation and affection. Did you get comfortable in the relationship and tend to dress casually most of the time and forget about make-up and sexy clothes? Or even worse, did you dress up for work but stay in sweats and tennis shoes at home?
Did your boyfriend or husband leave you for another woman? Most women mistakenly think their man has found a better looking women. Thats not usually the case. In fact, when and if you end up meeting the "other" women who happens to be pretty normal looking, the typical reaction is to think. . ."what does he see in her"?  Its most likely not just what he sees in her but what he feels in her. She makes him feel respected, admired and wanted again.
Are you still in your relationship and constantly being accused of being a nag by your partner? This isnt anything new, right? You’ll often hear men complain about being “nagged to death.”
What theyre really saying is that they want their wife or girlfriend to be satisfied with who he is and what good qualities he has to offer. Realize that the nagging isnt the real problem – it’s the fact that you are conveying that youre unsatisfied with who he is and what he has to offer. Thats what really gets to a man and drives him out of a relationship.
Dont take this to mean that you have to be lovey-dovey all the time and can never express your true feelings, anger or sadness. But when you are proud of your man, make sure he knows it! Dont just show the negative feelings that come up and take the love and admiration for granted. Keeping this in mind will keep the fire of his love alive.
This information should help you if youre in the mindset of "I want him to love me again."
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