Surviving A Break Up There Is Hope

Are you in the process of surviving a break up?  It may seem like there is no hope.  But, really there is.
First of all, you have to decide whether the relationship is really over or whether it’s just a temporary situation.  Some people find that their coupledom becomes even stronger after a hiatus.
But other times, you know that it is over and you need to go about mourning the relationship.  Your ex was probably the person who you were closest to in the whole world.  Now, you need to find people and activities to replace him or her.
Sometimes you can turn to friends and family members to discuss the situation.  If they are sympathetic and allow you to do the talking that you need to do, this is an optimal situation.
Unfortunately, most people are consumed with their own situations.  They have little patience for dealing with other people’s problems and concerns.  While they may listen for the first couple of days, their basic tenet will be “get over it.”
If this is the case, you may want to consider going to a counselor.  A therapist will help you work through the issues that caused your relationship to dissolve.  Many people have found that a counselor is the best person to help you in surviving a break up.
At some point, you have to start to move on.  One of the best ways to do this is to exchange all of the personal items you have with your ex.  Most of the time, this means clothes, but there are other items which you keep at each other’s homes.
If there are things like toothbrushes that don’t merit an exchange, throw them away.  If you have personal gifts that you don’t want to give back, box them up and put them away for the time being.  You don’t want to have anything that reminds you of your ex lying around the house for the time being.
Then, start focusing on how you can improve yourself.  Because you were part of a couple for so long, you referenced yourself as “we.”  Now, it is all about “me.”  And, that’s not a bad place to be in.
You can now do the things you want.  She didn’t like gambling?  You can now go to the guys’ poker night.  He didn’t like chick flicks?  Rent all the movies you missed.
And, start doing a self improvement campaign.  Go work out.  Take some classes.  Join a hiking group. 
Start to meet new people, particularly people who can be friends not lovers.  These people will provide a valuable network for you now and in the future.
Finally, at some point, you have to put yourself back on the market again.  Go to single’s events or check out online dating sites.  When you find someone new who you really like, you know you will be finally over your ex.
And that’s how to go about surviving a break up.
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Why Do I Want My Ex Back

“Why do I want My ex back?” has been the cry of many who have been unable to let go of a love that has past them by. It is an understandable question to ask. Common sense tels you that you need to move on. Most of your closest friends are hoping that you would. Your ex most likely is wishing that you could move on as well. So why is it that you have to keep asking yourself, “Why do I want my ex back?”

When you are asking, “Why do I want my ex back?” consider what has just happened. You were in a love relationship of some kind, may be a marriage. It may have lasted a long time or only a short time but in either case, you had a lot invested in it. It is hard to let go of things and ideas that you may have been really attached to.

Most people do not enter into relationships lightly. They go into them hoping for something that will last a long time and just want love. You have dreams of the way that things could be. You have an idea of the way things should be. For some reason it doesnt happen. The bubble bursts on your idea and then you are left hanging on. It made such good and almost perfect sense at the time and then it is gone. You have to adjust to the idea that what you saw isnt there anymore if it was at all.

Was it love or just the idea of being in love? The lines get so confusing sometimes. Was the love ever there? It is very likely that it was at one point. The only problem was that it wasnt permanent. The two of you became incredibly important parts of each other. You get used to having certain things or people attached to you and when they are gone your mind may have trouble adjusting.

There are those who have lost limbs who still feel a phantom itch in the appendage that is now gone. There are still brain cells that are telling you that what isnt there itches and there isnt a thing you can do about it unless you retrain your brain.

The same thing is true for those who were intimately attached to someone, whether it was romantic or platonic in nature. If those people are removed for some reason, those parts of your brain that had grown accustomed to that loved one being there will have to adjust. While your brain is adjusting to the change, you are left thinking about them almost against your will.

If you are frustrated because you keep asking yourself, “Why do I want my ex back?” dont get too distraught over it. It may help you to get some advice on how to get over a relationship from someone who has been there or who understands and has helped others. It is only natural that you will have trouble with it and “want my ex back.” Give it some time, get some help, and get distracted and in time you will no longer be asking, “Why do I want my ex back?”
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Stages Of A Relationship Understanding Them Makes A Difference

You’re probably not thinking about the different stages of a relationship while you’re with someone. And especially if the relationship is new or restarting after a breakup, it’s not likely on your mind. But if you understand the different stages of a relationship it can help you understand where you are and what’s yet to come.

Of all the stages of a relationship, the first stage is probably the most exciting.  This is the romance stage, the beginning. There’s dating and getting to know each other, and each of you is on your very best behavior because you want to woo the other person.

This stage is often called the honeymoon period, because everything is fresh and new. Everything the other person does probably seems wonderful. You laugh at his jokes, and don’t mind the person’s flaws. In fact, you may even find his flaws endearing. Just like anything new, it can be a great deal of fun and seem adventurous.

The next two stages are the make or break stages that many couples never make it through. They account for things like very short relationships and marriages. The second stage is commonly known as the power struggle stage.

This is when the newness starts to wear off, and usually starts somewhere between six months to a year after the relationships starts. It’s during this time that things start to get serious. Everything isn’t as cute and endearing as it was in the beginning.

Each person in the relationship is trying to get his or her needs met, and they’re starting to notice where the other person falls short in doing that. If you’re in this stage, take a step back. The things you’re finding fault with in the other person are probably flaws that you have also.

If a couple can get through this stage, the relationship has a much better chance of lasting. Unfortunately, many couples try to change each other in the second stage. This leads to break-ups. Honest communication is the key to getting past it. Be understanding, and realize that you have shortcomings, too.

The third of the stages of a relationship is where you realize that you can’t change the other person, and you stop trying. If you came to that realization by talking with your partner and being understanding, then congratulations are in order!

This stage for you will be one of learning to be content with what the other has to offer and learning to take care of yourself. If the power struggle ended badly, then this is the stage where you’re likely to end the relationship.

The next stage is that of commitment. You realized you couldn’t change each other but you still made it work, and you know you want to be together.  Now you can move on to a true partnership, which is the last stage.

Many couples bounce from stage 2 to 3 several times before moving on to commitment. By understanding the stages of a relationship, you’re at least aware of what’s happening and why.
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