How to handle a crazy ex girlfriend

Victor the Cat, Blisstree’s resident relationship columnist is back to help you with your relationship dramas and dilemmas in 2011, starting with this one about a crazy ex who can’t seem to let go of her ex-boyfriend, even when he’s your current beau.

Hello Victor the Cat:

I’ve got a frustrating dilemma. My boyfriend and I have been together for one blissful year. I have — literally — no complaints and plenty of compliments about our relationship.

He and his previous girlfriend broke up about 1 1/2 years before we met. Theirs was a complicated relationship for about four years. In hindsight, my boyfriend feels that they were never really that well matched, and is very glad they broke up, although it was very painful for him when it happened.

About a month after he and I started dating, his ex started calling him and telling him she wanted him back, that she never imagined they wouldn’t end up being together forever. He was upfront with me about it, and at the time I told him if he needed a break from us to wrap up loose ends with his ex that I would understand. He said “No, it’s definitely over with her, I love you, etc etc.” And that was that.

But that wasn’t that. Since then she has contacted him several more times to tell him she misses him, and started asking him for money she says he owes her, at times becoming quite manipulative and mean. The last time she did this he asked her to not contact him ever again. But on New Year’s Eve he received a text: “Happy New Year’s – I’ll always love you,” which he promptly told me about and deleted.

Here’s my real dilemma: I’m not worried about my boyfriend at all.  If we were any more committed to each other, we’d need to be surgically attached (and trust me, it’s cute not creepy). But I find that I am now becoming obsessed with his ex – wanting to tell her off, wanting to make her stop, wanting to send her articles on how to get over a broken heart so she can stop being so disrespectful and maybe finally leave us alone! Why do I feel so strongly about this? And how can I manage my emotions better?

Thanks, my furry guru,

The Lucky One

Dear Lucky One:

My first thought is that you are entirely within your rights to be totally ticked off by the behavior of your boyfriend’s ex. You say they were together for four years and broke up 1 1/2 years before you and he met. So, by my calculations (and the undisputed relationship rule that says it should take you half the time you dated someone to actually get over them), miss crazy pants should’ve been nearly over her ex by the time you and he started seeing each other.

Clearly, this nut-job has serious boundary issues (as well as other issues relating to why she cannot seem to move forward and beyond her former relationship). Not only is she bothering your boyfriend with unwanted advances, she’s also negatively interfering with your relationship, which she obviously has no right to do. She is not welcome, and she knows it. But her irritating texts and phone calls are the only way she can attempt to exert some control, which is what she wants to do. (Mental note: She also has control issues.)

Now, I completely understand the desire to tell her off, make her stop, and send her links to articles about pathetic ex-girlfriends. But you must, I repeat, must resist the desire to do so! Why? Because that’s exactly what she wants you to do. She thrives on generating any kind of attention, good or bad (from your boyfriend, you, anyone else), so if you give her the satisfaction of any kind of response, then the terrorists have won. (In this case, the terrorists are your boyfriend’s ex.) I know this is tough advice to follow, because you really feel like you’d be teaching her an important and necessary life lesson, but trust me, you wouldn’t be. People like her don’t learn from rational and reasonable methods. In fact, people like her often don’t learn at all. So don’t provoke her, pity her.

Ignoring her will send a much, much stronger message than any telling off ever could. In the meantime, concentrate on all the positive aspects of your delightful relationship with your boyfriend. Eventually, his ex will get bored and move on (and will likely start bugging some other poor soul).

My second thought is that your story would make a great screenplay. At first, the audience thinks the guy is going to cheat with his ex. He doesn’t. Then they think the crazy ex is going to kill the boyfriend or new girlfriend. She doesn’t. Turns out, the nice, normal new girlfriend is the one who goes all “Single White Female” on the ex. At the very least, you should write this up as a screenplay treatment and pitch it to a few Hollywood studios. Not kidding. That’ll show your boyfriend’s ex!
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How to handle your boyfriends ex girlfriend

Even if your boyfriend is completely over his ex-girlfriend (and we hope he is if he is with you) sometimes it’s tough for us to avoid comparing or even asking questions about HER, and if she is still in the picture ie., they are still friends, then getting over that relationship is even tougher. And like it or not even if you haven’t had to deal with an ex-girlfriend in one of your relationships sooner or later you will have to and we are here to help you through it! 

If you need to ask questions about his ex for some reason then keep them specific and brief. Remember the reason for the question and if it doesn’t serve a real purpose to know then don’t ask.

Avoid comparing yourself to her, even if your competitive nature drives you to it. Remind yourself that he is with you and not with her and that is what really matters.

If you are feeling a little insecure about his ex then don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your boyfriend. Let him know that you are feeling a little insecure and allow him to reassure you that you are the one he loves and not her. Sometimes a little reassurance can go a long way.

Don’t obsess over her or their relationship. That can be crazy-making for you and will come out in some way shape or form in your relationship. If you are intensely jealous and freaking out over her with your boyfriend that will definitely be a turn-off.

Don’t try to figure out “why” you might feel jealous or curious about her. It’s perfectly normal to have questions about your boyfriend’s ex and many of those random thoughts include questions like “Was he in love with her? What did she look like? Did he love her more than me? Was she prettier than me? Why did they break up?” and so on. The less you know the more curious you may be but that doesn’t mean you need to go on a quest to find out more information about her or her relationship with your man. Don’t beat yourself up for having the thoughts you have, they are just harmless thoughts that are perfectly normal. Allow yourself to have them but then let them pass without trying to figure out the answers. This may seem tough at first but eventually you will stop thinking about her as you continue having a great relationship.

Please share any stories you have about dealing with your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend!

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How to insult ex girlfriend

So your relationship is over and all those feelings of aggression, anger, disgust and mental anguish have come to a head. If you don’t lash-out in a verbal assault of profanities and low-blows you’re just going to explode. You want to—need to—get a few last jabs in at the ex before the door hits her in the ass. It’s okay to vent. Just remember, once you say it, you can’t take it back. If you dare to use any of the top 5 insults on your ex, you need to be sure of two things first; that you’ll never, ever want her back, and that you can outrun her!

Attack her sexual performance – Even if you had mind-blowing sex throughout the entire duration of your relationship, a good way to offend your partner is to tell her that it sucked. Two things women hate are being found out when faking orgasms, and worse, being told that they don’t perform well in the bedroom. Kill two birds with one stone and say, “You weren’t the only one who was faking it!” Follow that statement with, “I’ve had more passionate sex with a blow-up doll!” First store a vivid mental image of her naked in your brain. You won’t be seeing that again in person … ever.

Refer to other women – Women are naturally jealous creatures. Especially when it comes to other women. You can make her blood boil and send her packing for good by using this fact to your advantage. In the most subtle sense, asking for her best friend’s number as she’s leaving you will make her think twice about coming back. Drive this theory home by telling her that you’ve always imagined that she was her best friend while you had sex with her. You’ll never see her again after a doozy like that. But as a bonus, you might see her friend!

All in the family – It’s not nice and very disrespectful to criticize one’s family, but when you’re sure your relationship is over, doing so will definitely offend and infuriate the ex. There’s a few ways to go about this. If she has a rough relationship with her mother or sister, a simple, “You’re just like your mother,” or “…just like your sister” should do. If her mom is clearly unattractive — or even if she’s not — try, “Thank God we’re through. You’re starting to age just like your mother.” If she comes from an attractive family, “I should have dated your sister” or “I wanted to hook-up with your mom. But since she’s not available, I settled for you” will kill her.

The “C” word - You know which word we’re talking about. Starts with “C” ends with “T” and rhymes with hunt, punt and stunt. The word you’ve always been taught never to use under any circumstances, especially when speaking to a woman. The most disrespectful term in the dictionary. (Yes, the dictionary.) If you really need to stoop as low as this insult, you need to be 110 percent, absolutely certain that your relationship is over. Because if it’s not, it will be after you drop the C-bomb.

Tell her she’s fat – Believe it or not, of all the vile things we’ve mentioned, this will piss her off the most. Just give her the once over and calmly state, “Damn girl, you weren’t this bitchy before you got fat.” Another zinger is, “By the way, those jeans did make you look fat! And so did that dress, those shorts and don’t get me started on the bikini!” And for the grand finale, “Ah well, in losing you, I’m also losing several pounds of ugly fat.” Ouch! Now quickly duck or slam the door!

There you have it guys. If you’re trying to break it off for good, believe us, any of these 5 insults are a dealbreaker! Use them with extreme caution because once you do, you can be sure that your relationship is over, done, kaput! Enjoy your new found bachelorhood!

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How to handle an ex girlfriend

I came here wanting an opinion of maybe some people that have been in my shoes. I dont think my friends understand the situation and have really done a great job just making me move along, but they dont feel what I feel.

Here it is.... I worked with a girl when I was a Sophomore in College and she was a Senior in High School. We knew each other since she was 16 and never really thought about dating at all since she was very young. As time progressed and she got older... I got to know her really well. We went on a trip together as friends with no plans and we really hit it off. Long story short, we spent a lot of time together over the summer before she left to go to college out of state and we decided there was a bond and we would try to make this thing work long distance

Lets cut to the chase, the relationship was great.. GOOD COMMUNICATION the whole time, I was really close to her family and would eat dinner over there even without her. My parents treated her so well and they would even text her once in awhile. it was great besides the distance. We made it work, we would see eachother every month 1/2 around and we stayed positive knowing at one point we would be together. We never fought and we had a TON of trust. 2 years went by like this with no problem.

THEN... she moved in with 7 other people and I trusted her but they became the "party house." She never really had a period of time to let loose i guess and party it up. She stayed at my house for a month this past summer and i think the commitment scared her off. She met some guy she had feelings for, told me about it and was very open. She didnt cheat, she explained she felt weird and for the first time she didnt run off when someone hit on her like she usually would. It got her so confused and crazy and eventually I ended it. It was hard on both of us... this was in Sept.

Now, November rolls around and she notices I am with another girl. I am sure she got jealous, maybe thought I would wait around while she figured stuff out... but i didnt. I moved along... I kept communication open with her and said now is not the time. She still is in school for another yr and a half. She writes me a letter saying how she made a mistake, she loves me, im the one she wants to marry etc. I sent her a text saying I will take it to heart. She then writes something like, "I meant every word, I dont know whats wrong with me." I then flew to her state to see a mutual friend and she found out and sent me a text saying it was weird i was in her state and I didnt tell her so obviously I dont want to see her. She said she is going to stop contacting me now for now on and I should enjoy my stay.


Look, I still love her to death, i know deep down she is the one but maybe got blinded like i said with some influences from her friends. I did not respond to her last 2 texts out of respect to my new partner (we are not official but we act like it as of right now). Things are good, but i also feel bad not texting her back. She basically left me for another man and states she loves me still and all this stuff but then doesnt act on it. I even told her if it was me in her situation, I would have been at her door asking to talk.... nothing. I told her last time we spoke on the phone that we need to support eachother and i forgive her for what she did but dont know if I could forget. I love her and her family so much but I just feel like she might be playing games and not even knowing it. I feel she shouldnt want to see me and should put that effort into her new man that she chose to have relations with. I just want to shake her and guide her but I know I can not be the one to do that. How should I approach this with her contact. She says she doesnt want to contact me again but I know she will. Is she just young? Not contacting her the best thing?

Please help guys and girls!

Thanks
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How to initiate contact with ex girlfriend

Need strategies for how to contact your ex-girlfriend?

You might want to know how to initiate contact, how to get things started, and how to progress things along.  Here’s some straight up advice on how to contact your ex-girlfriend.

Here is a 3-step plan to contact your ex-girlfriend – with everything you need to know.

So I want to give you three principles that hopefully will make a big difference in your being successful at contacting your ex-girlfriend.

These three things are going to give you the greatest result and the greatest benefit. To contact your ex-girlfriend is to plays your cards right – it’s a very sensitive period in time. Everything you do needs to be exactly right. The idea to contact your ex-girlfriend is a little like walking through a mine-field.

The first tip is to put no pressure on her when you’re having a conversation.  Don’t jump bombard her with trying to restart the relationship.  You’ll sound needy and whiny.

You want to be as chilled out as possible. You want to be like an ice cube at the North Pole,  You cannot sound needy or whiny, because she will instantly lose attraction to you.

 

You want to give the feeling that your call or email is just being friendly, that you have no ulterior motive in contacting her.

The second tip to contact your ex-girlfriend is to catch her and meet face to face.

There’s only so much you can do by email or through cards or by phone.

Meeting face to face allows you to figure out whether or not there is chemistry between the two of you.  You can’t really tell that over the phone.  You’ve got to be face to face and see if she’s really digging you again.

And the third principle to contact ex-girlfriend is to really think about whether you want to do it or not.

Seriously, if it was a messy relationship, if she was a toxic person and if she really knew how to pressure her partner, but wasn’t the best person for you, then don’t catch up with her.  There’s people out there who are very attracted to you, who you really want to have sex with but who are really bad for us, It’s not good to put ourselves in situations where we are tempted with these sort of people.

So really think about whether she’s the sort of person you want to get back in your life. If you want to contact your ex-girlfriend, it’s worth thinking about whether it’s a good idea or not.

Make sure you’re thinking with the head that’s above your shoulders, make sure you’re being real, realistic and intelligent, because the last thing you want to do is go backwards in your own journey. If you are going to contact your ex-girlfriend then make sure that it’s going to be a real positive for you and your life.

Now that you’ve thought about how to contact your ex-girlfriend, check out more FREE content to avoid making the same mistakes twice. Rewind your relationship and make it awesome again. My FREE video presentation will show you exactly how to have incredible relationships for the rest of your life.
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How to handle his ex girlfriend

His ex-girlfriend is still in the picture, and that’s got you all worried, and weary, and maybe even a bit hissy and intolerable at times? That’s perfectly understandable, but definitely not the best way to handle the situation. Read on and check out some constructive ways to deal with his ex!

Before even beginning to take steps in dealing with the situation, the situation being his ex-girlfriend who’s somehow around more than she needs to be, it’s important to be clear on what exactly are you dealing with. There are lots of ways an ex can be involved in your boyfriend’s life, and not all of those necessarily mean she’s being inappropriate, so be sure you’re not trying to put out a fire where there’s no smoke,  ’cause that’s just gonna cause problems between you and your guy.

So… if she’s really just a friend, if she’s really not hung up on him, if she doesn’t have any bad feelings about the whole thing, or any animosity towards you, if she’s aware that theirs is in the past, and yours is now, don’t push it, and leave her be.

Now here comes the tricky part – they’re all gonna say they’re all of the above, and act perfectly nice and reasonable, but what they say and what they do when they think no one’s watching isn’t always the same thing.

So, how do you know if she’s being genuine, or just really good at pretending to be genuine?

How do you know if she’s over it or is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch him for herself again?
The answer is – and you’re not going to like it – you can’t. Not for sure at least. You can suspect her of being this or that, you can believe her, but whichever it is you’re never going to be 100 percent sure if it’s all just a pose, or is it all real.

It’s just the way girls are, and a lot of things come into play here, such as our own insecurities, and that’s why it improbable you’re ever going to have it easy when it comes to talking to, seeing or even just being around the girl who’s already had what you’re having.

So, the only really successful way to deal with an annoying ex is to have complete trust in your boyfriend.

Her emotions, needs, and wishes in the end are none of your business, but his are. You can’t know for sure what page she’s on, but you can and need to know where he stands on that note, and are the ex-files shut and filed up for good.

His side is really the only side that matters here, and if you’ve talked it out and if you trust him, an ex really isn’t something you’ll ever need to deal with, no matter how often she pops up.
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How to impress ur ex girlfriend

Girlfriends are the next best thing to heaven, and how we love it when we see themhappy all the time.
Theres something about them that keeps us guys grounded andinspired and most importantly, we want to make each day a romantic day for them.Making her fall in love with you everyday is one of the most romantic things you can do.Below are few techniques and tips on how to impress your girlfriend --- and make herwant you more and more!

1. Call her in the middle of the night. Tell her you cant sleep and ask if you can come over. 
2. Tell her how much youll going to miss her --- even if youll be meeting up by the end of the day. 
3. Learn how to cook --- and make her her favorite meal! 
4. Learn to play the guitar and make her a song. 
5. Give her a tight hug --- in front of her parents! (Make sure theyre all in good mood though). 
6. Buy her a pet dog and name it after you. Sweet! 
7. Take her to the beach, walk hand in and hand, barefoot and then watch the sunset together. 
8. Leave a whiff of your cologne on her bed --- youll be the last person shell think of before going to sleep. 
9. Tell her you love her at least once everyday --- do it in a different language sometimes. 
10. Kiss her when she least expects it.

Do you want to make every single day a romantic and intense day for you and yourgirlfriend?

Now, for the complete list on how to impress your girlfriend, plus more tips on how tokeep your girlfriend in love with you, visit my website now! It holds all amazingtechniques on how to be great and sensual with your woman and I guarantee you nomore dull days ever! Youre one click away from all the excitement.
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