How to insult ex girlfriend

So your relationship is over and all those feelings of aggression, anger, disgust and mental anguish have come to a head. If you don’t lash-out in a verbal assault of profanities and low-blows you’re just going to explode. You want to—need to—get a few last jabs in at the ex before the door hits her in the ass. It’s okay to vent. Just remember, once you say it, you can’t take it back. If you dare to use any of the top 5 insults on your ex, you need to be sure of two things first; that you’ll never, ever want her back, and that you can outrun her!

Attack her sexual performance – Even if you had mind-blowing sex throughout the entire duration of your relationship, a good way to offend your partner is to tell her that it sucked. Two things women hate are being found out when faking orgasms, and worse, being told that they don’t perform well in the bedroom. Kill two birds with one stone and say, “You weren’t the only one who was faking it!” Follow that statement with, “I’ve had more passionate sex with a blow-up doll!” First store a vivid mental image of her naked in your brain. You won’t be seeing that again in person … ever.

Refer to other women – Women are naturally jealous creatures. Especially when it comes to other women. You can make her blood boil and send her packing for good by using this fact to your advantage. In the most subtle sense, asking for her best friend’s number as she’s leaving you will make her think twice about coming back. Drive this theory home by telling her that you’ve always imagined that she was her best friend while you had sex with her. You’ll never see her again after a doozy like that. But as a bonus, you might see her friend!

All in the family – It’s not nice and very disrespectful to criticize one’s family, but when you’re sure your relationship is over, doing so will definitely offend and infuriate the ex. There’s a few ways to go about this. If she has a rough relationship with her mother or sister, a simple, “You’re just like your mother,” or “…just like your sister” should do. If her mom is clearly unattractive — or even if she’s not — try, “Thank God we’re through. You’re starting to age just like your mother.” If she comes from an attractive family, “I should have dated your sister” or “I wanted to hook-up with your mom. But since she’s not available, I settled for you” will kill her.

The “C” word - You know which word we’re talking about. Starts with “C” ends with “T” and rhymes with hunt, punt and stunt. The word you’ve always been taught never to use under any circumstances, especially when speaking to a woman. The most disrespectful term in the dictionary. (Yes, the dictionary.) If you really need to stoop as low as this insult, you need to be 110 percent, absolutely certain that your relationship is over. Because if it’s not, it will be after you drop the C-bomb.

Tell her she’s fat – Believe it or not, of all the vile things we’ve mentioned, this will piss her off the most. Just give her the once over and calmly state, “Damn girl, you weren’t this bitchy before you got fat.” Another zinger is, “By the way, those jeans did make you look fat! And so did that dress, those shorts and don’t get me started on the bikini!” And for the grand finale, “Ah well, in losing you, I’m also losing several pounds of ugly fat.” Ouch! Now quickly duck or slam the door!

There you have it guys. If you’re trying to break it off for good, believe us, any of these 5 insults are a dealbreaker! Use them with extreme caution because once you do, you can be sure that your relationship is over, done, kaput! Enjoy your new found bachelorhood!

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How to insult your ex girlfriend

Very few people wonder these days why J.P. Weichel and his ex-wife are divorced, ever since Weichel was charged with criminal libel for posts he put on Craigslist accusing his ex of sleeping with her divorce lawyer and beating their child. In fact, sometimes, talking shit about your ex says a lot more about you (and your maturity level) than it does about whatever he or she did to you.

Of course, if youre in the habit of mining the wreck that is your personal life for your work, its fairly difficult to never talk about an ex. Is it particularly mature to make fun of an ex because of his name or because he didnt know better than to try to face fuck you or because he kept standing you up? Probably not. On the other hand, I was writing those stories for what they said about me, and my relationships, and my own idiocy — and, because, now, theyre funny to me. Theyre not intended to be mean-spirited, or floated out there as revenge or even to put me in a positive light. I puked on a guy named Ralph, I lacked the common sense to stay out of a sexual situation with an inexperienced and inattentive guy, I allowed someone to stand me up more than once. Dont you see, its all about me!

The real problem, though, is that, like too many writers — in addition to having a strange sense of humor and way too much time to think about my failed relationships — Im also an incredible narcissist... which is apparently how I turned a post about someone slagging on his ex into a post about me doing the exact opposite thing.

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How to impress an ex girlfriend

Are you still reeling under the breakup of your relationship and are dying to impress your ex-girlfriend enough to get her back? Here are a few tactics that will help you get your girl back without making it look as if you are begging or groveling.

Analyze your character traits and change If your girlfriend walked out on you because she was highly disgusted with certain aspects of your relationship, then maybe it is time for you to identify these aspects in an honest manner, acknowledge your mistakes and make necessary changes in your habits and behavior.

Mourning will not help - Every girl or guy, after the breakup, will expect their ex to be wild, hysterical, disillusioned and depressed. One of the best ways of getting your ex girlfriend to notice you is not to mourn but get along with your life with a calm demeanor and with great confidence.

Spruce up your appearance - You can be sure your ex girlfriend will go to great lengths to see how you behave after she has dumped you. This innate curiosity is an essential character trait of every woman. Spruce up your appearance, get a new hair style and revamp your wardrobe. Your ex-girl will certainly not expect this and she will sit up impressed with your new look and will certainly try to get in touch with you.

Forgive and Forget - If you are eager to get your ex girlfriend back, learn to be magnanimous and show her that you do not harbor any ill feelings and have gotten over any resentment and ill feelings towards her. This will certainly impress her and she will admire you for your magnanimity.

Focus on your life - Use this temporary break from your girlfriend to focus on other vital aspects of your life such as hobbies, sports, activities, education or career. Moving on positively in your life is one of the best ways of impressing your ex girlfriend.

Prove your worth - You must prove your worth to your ex girlfriend by refusing to beg, mourn or grovel and get along with your life with great confidence. By doing just the opposite of what she expects you to do, you can greatly impress her making her feel desperate to come back to you.

Be emotionally independent - To show your ex girlfriend that you are emotionally and financially independent of her is sure to impress her and make her come running back to you. Rise from the ashes like a phoenix and prove through your behavior and actions that you are independent and are on your way ahead in life, with or without her.

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How to kiss your ex girlfriend

This article is going to teach you how to get over your ex girlfriend the "Kiss" way.

1·  Keep yourself busy with social activities! Activities where you will meet people and do things with them!

2·  Be so busy that you hardly have time left for yourself to breathe in-between!

3·  Do some networking. Social networking like Facebook is a good start to do something in meeting people up. From there, please really go out and meet some of these friends that you have in Facebook or whatever social platform you are in! This is really for people who just cannot do anything but still can go to Facebook to play Farmville!

4·  Learn "how to get a girlfriend" tips of getting a beautiful woman and similar stuff. This strategy will pull you away from thinking about your ex quickly!

5·  Get another one! Therefore, when you open up your social network to as many people as you can and start learning ways to get a girlfriend at the same time, you will inevitably get a new girl or woman at that, and because you now have a new treasure to look after, you would have long forgotten about her since!

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