Learn as much as you can. If you know why they broke up, good for you. Get all the facts: was she obsessive, frigid or argumentative? You want to know what caused the break-up. Once you know, make sure your new man knows that you are nothing like her.
Find out why she’s still around. Kids are an obvious reason, but if there is no obvious reason, never trust her motives. Unless she’s happily settled in another relationship, there is always the chance she’ll try to muscle her way in.
Be aware of the “just friends” clause. If they broke up amicably, this could be bad news for you. If she is in the “still friends” category, make sure you’re friendly when your partner is around, and then assess just how friendly she is when you’re alone with her. If she shows her claws in any way, be ready for a future catfight.
Monitor her appearance quota. If you see her once in a blue moon at a larger social function, then breathe a sigh of relief. You may just become friends with her. If she’s one step away from becoming a stalker, it’s time to talk to the man.
Talk to him. Tread carefully. Remember how quietly you had to sneak into the house at three in the morning when you were a teenager. You have to be even more careful here. If you insist that they no longer communicate, you come across as a demanding shrew. If you casually mention that she makes you feel a bit insecure, he’ll probably give you a chuck on the shoulder and tell you that you have nothing to worry about. Find the middle ground.
Avoid badmouthing her. It sucks, especially if she’s a witch, but in all cases, spitefulness makes you look bad. The last thing you want is to help her seem more appealing to your man.
Get rid of photos. Any photos of her should be well-hidden in a dusty photo album, not on the wall. Put photos of yourself around, along with evidence of you. She needs to see who’s in control.
Play interference. Whenever she’s around, be friendlier than he is. Show her that you have absolutely no fear about her. After all, he didn’t break up with you. You are by far the superior product. If she wants all of you to get together for a drink, you respond with, “Not tonight, we have plans for a romantic dinner.” Let her know in no uncertain terms that your relationship is progressing really well. And in no circumstances does she flirt with your man.
Unleash the sex kitten. If he suggests you go to her house for a party, pull out the sex kitten face and get out that lingerie that he loves. If he gets a message from her insisting she needs him to call, distract him by unzipping his pants. If she has any sense, she’ll get the hint.
Set her up. She’s still around? Okay, now it’s time to start setting her up with people, but not close friends. Pick an ex of your own. She needs to get the hint that your man isn’t going to be changing his mind soon. One of the best ways to give that hint is to provide her with a new distraction.
Last resort. Parade your own ex around. One of three things will happen. 1) Your man will get jealous and be open to creating boundaries with the exes. 2) Your man will remain clueless and become good friends with your ex, thus defeating the purpose. 3) Your ex will suddenly become more appealing.
At the end of the day, the ex factor requires patience, cunning, and determination. When your focus becomes all about her, and is no longer on your new relationship, it’s time for some serious reevaluation.
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