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How to get over an ex girlfriend

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This is the number one question I get asked most of the time – right after the question on how to win her back.

And it’s difficult to answer. How do you get over your ex girlfriend?

I guess that we have all been there at some point in our lives.

Relationship starts. Everything’s good. Suddenly, everything isn’t so good. And you break up. That’s life!

I have had my share of it, so I speak from experience here.


You have probably shared lots of good times, and now it’s gone.

No more holding hands, no more crawling in close when it’s cold outside, no more kisses under the moonlight, no more anything.

For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone like breaking up.

For the first few days, after realizing the truth, you feel pretty awful. This is definitely the worst part of a break up, and also the part that defines your emotions for the next couple of weeks.

So how do you go about handling a break up?

 

As thoughts are really hard to control, I’ll give you a “timeline” for your emotions.

I know it might sound a little strange, but it’s how I personally handle the break up, and for that reason, I figure it might be useful for some people.

Here we go:

The first few days I cry my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to “think about her”. Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year, I’ll explain why later on.

What’s really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”.

Another really important thing to do is to stop listening to love songs. At this point, you will most likely identify with them, and I know from experience that this can really f**k up your emotions later on.

So just let yourself be as sad as you can, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else than yourself.

Afterwards, if you have followed my advice, you should almost be sick thinking about her. 3 days might not be a long time in a calendar, but in your head, it will almost feel like it’s ages ago you broke up.

You will start realizing that she wasn’t “the one” for you, and that you have your whole life waiting, along with millions of cute girls.

Over the next few weeks, you might have some reoccurring thoughts about her. That’s fine. As long as you realize how bad she was for you, and that you’re not going to get back together.

I think this is the part most guys do wrong. They keep thinking they can get back together, and this makes it incredibly hard to move on.

For a couple of days, try to just “get on with it”. Don’t spend time thinking about her, just live your life like you always have.

After a week or two, you’ll see that you do fantastic without her. You might not be completely “over her”, but you’re definitely on the right path to getting so.

Personally, after about 2-3 weeks, I completely stop thinking about her. Well, not completely, she’s still “my ex”, but I’m by no means sad about the fact that we’re not together anymore.

Soon, I’ll meet another girl, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with happiness. Until we break up.
Life’s strange isn’t it?

General tips on handling the break up

  • Stop stroking the banana fantasizing about her. It’s just wrong… AND it tightens your emotional bonds to her. Not good man!
  • You’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do. Start meeting new people as soon as possible.
  • Accept that she wasn’t the one. She was just a girl, whatever your brain might tell you. You have a “her” hole in your stomach right now, and you probably think that only she can fill it. But what the hole really is is just a woman shaped hole, and any women can fill it.
  • Take control of the situation. Don’t let her define your feelings, only you can do that.
  • Start living again. After feeling down for a few days, a week, or maybe more, start living again. If you have always wanted to start playing tennis, now is the time to do it. Or start playing guitar, or start painting. Anything will work, just gain some kind of new passion, or relive an old one.

Why it’s important to be sad at first

 

This might not work for everyone, but I can only conclude stuff from my own experience, so that’s what I’m going to do.

The reason I choose to be sad at first, is to take control. It’s my choice to cry, she has nothing to do with it. Not directly, anyway.

In my opinion it’s really bad to try to run from your feelings, because you will feel sad. Best just to admit it and let it out.

After those few days, you will also realize that someone that made you so sad, wasn’t right for you. This is also important.

So now to wrap it up, I would like to know one thing.
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How to email your ex girlfriend

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Sometimes you really need to text your ex-girlfriend. It doesnt matter how long it has been, how bad your break-up was or the number of years since you both agreed to never speak again. Sometimes you just need to. And if youve already made the (possibly inadvisable!) decision to do so, then at least you can do it in the least life-damaging way possible. So here are five super easy steps to painlessly texting your ex.

Step 1: Maybe Dont Text Your Ex

 

The first and most important step in texting your ex is to maybe not do it at all. Are you drunk? Are you sad? Do you just want attention? Are you trying to make someone else jealous? Most importantly, is there someone else you can contact about this issue other than your ex? Maybe an old mutual friend?

YOU CAN OFTEN GOOGLE WHAT YOU WANT TO ASK YOUR EX

As you can see, Option Three provides the only option in which you do not end up crying softly. While there are many times you might want to text your ex, its rare that you truly need to. "That song we both like came on the radio" is not a good reason to text your ex. "I just saw the Hangover 2 -- remember that time we were hung over?" is not a good reason to text your ex. "Mrow" is not a good reason to text your ex. Im not saying you shouldnt text her for a valid, honest reasons -- even a simple congratulations is appropriate when its due. Just avoid texting your ex for stupid reasons.

On the flip side, you may be in a situation in which you should really call. If your ex-girlfriend has recently lost a loved one it is much more appropriate to call or send a condolence card than a tacky text message. Alternatively if you very seriously (and not because youre drunk/lonely/horny) want to get back together, those sort of steps are best initiated over the phone.

Also never text after 9:30pm because then shell think youre drunk even if you arent.

Step 2: Dont Mention Youre Not Speaking

 

If you havent spoken to or texted you ex-girlfriend in months/years/decades it might feel weird to just start saying words on your phone. Whatever you do, dont lead with "I know were not speaking but..." This makes you sound petty and like you havent moved on. If you know youre not speaking then why are you texting her?! (See Step 1.) A better idea is to start with "Hey." "Hey" is the official start of any text to anyone who you dont normally text. "Hey" makes you look nonchalant and cool like Fonzie.

EXCLAMATION POINTS HELP TOO

Still, particularly if your text is just a quick statement/congratulations, it might be best to forgo the "Hey" and just go for the awkward words from nowhere. In some ways this is even less awkward because its almost like youre just totally normal acquaintance/friends who dont even have to go through bizarre ex-girlfriend niceties.

Step 3: Get to the Point

 

Youre texting your ex for a very specific reason (ahem Step 1) so get on with it already. You should preferably make your point in the first text message. This isnt being rude, its just normal texting. If you hem and haw for too long your ex might get the wrong message and respond accordingly. You dont need to be rude or curt, just to the point. Youre a busy woman and Im sure your ex is too so theres no need to waste anyones time.

I NEED THE SLEEPING BAG FOR A-CAMP

Getting to the point leave no room for uncertainty or grey area and prevents you from getting sucked in to an awful long texting conversation.

Step 4: Avoid Relationship Talk

 

Whatever you do, dont get sucked back in to your old relationship. First of all, dont talk about your relationship. Not the good parts, not the bad parts, not even things you did together. For the love of G-d dont talk about how your ex-girlfriend "always does this." It is neither helpful towards starting over with someone nor moving on.

Second, dont text like you are still in your relationship. Dont use quirky old pet names or baby-talk text. Avoid emoticons at all cost. You are now two adults who are communicating via a message made up of text. No one needs to write out kitten noises.

Finally, dont mention your new relationship situation. Even if you would love nothing better than to announce to everyone you meet that you did indeed find someone who would karaoke "Love You Like a Love Song" with you, this is not the time. You would almost definitely be mentioning your new girl just to see your exs reaction and thats not fair to anyone (including but not limited to your new girlfriend). Similarly, dont ask if shes seeing anyone. You probably dont want to know anyways and you can always ask her friends.

THERE ARE NO GOOD OPTIONS HERE. YOU PROBABLY SHOULDNT SHOW YOUR FACE IN OHIO ANYMORE EITHER

Talking about old/new relationships takes all the tact you have inside of you and texting removes all possible tact. Dont get in to relationship talk, please dont do it, I think its a bad idea, Im warning you right now, really I have your back on this one. Dont do it.

Step 5: Quit While Youre Ahead

 

If you managed to get through texting your ex-girlfriend unscathed, then just stop. Did you congratulate her on graduating and she said "Thank you?" Okay, stop. Did she confirm that, yes, that was her old friend from circus camp you ran into? Okay, stop. Did she not respond to your text message whatsoever? Okay, stop. You just have to stop texting before someone makes a fool of themselves (especially you).

SOMETIMES THE BEST THING TO SAY IS NOTHING

Im going to level with you: this is really hard for me. This is hard for a lot of people! You get the ball rolling, youre talking about yourselves and where you are now and then all of a sudden youre curious if they want to get a drink and catch up. Disaster.
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