Worst To Best Kevin Smith

I consider Kevin Smith to be somewhat of a brotherly figure. Perhaps he isn’t the most talented director in the world, but no matter how many times he misses the bar, you love him all the same with a definite soft spot for every piece of work he produces. You remember the good times, those moments he delivered his style impeccably, even if these days it seems more and more likely he only got lucky on occasion (albeit very lucky, reasonably often).

But no matter your opinion, one thing we have to respect Kevin for (at times, higher than some of the greatest directors on our planet), is his persistent willingness to push himself. He is forever trying something different, unafraid to dive into genres he knows absolutely nothing about, the only common denominator between his efforts standing as the daunting list of actors who recur throughout his work. And even if this approach has sometimes worked to his detriment (his later movies have been whipped as such duds that I worry as to how predictable this list may turn out, as well as how much of his career he has left), we cannot deny that he has continued to find fresh ways to get his thoughts onto our screens and into our hearts, which I find respectable. Respectable enough to write this blog, anyway.

And so while the UK waits impatiently for the release of Tusk (and while his filmography stands at the nice round number of 10 entries), I figured it was a decent point to analyse his projects and place them in some sort of an order, which is what I have done, and I am so glad youve read this far already. Please continue:

10. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)

Do not be fooled by this decidedly worst position, for let it be known, I adore Jay and Silent Bob with every stoner residue left within my bones from a misguided youth of bad decisions. They are the living interpretation of Beavis and Butthead meets Laurel and Hardy, appealing to the teenager in all of us, while we enjoy the last bits of our intelligence evaporating as each minute passes. And this flick is the epitome of their humour: shamelessly stupid without giving a fuck, the laughs so tasteless and pointless that you feel dirty for chuckling at them like some cheaper version of yourself. It come across more like a fun comic rather than a film, as we watch our vulgar heroes set out to destroy a movie within a movie in order to collect their royalties and prove the whole internet wrong. But even when considering the extensive film nods and thorough list of cameos, one can’t escape the feeling that this is one long lazy in-joke, driven by self indulgence and self references, repeatedly more miss than hit and boringly predictable, a cheesy side-project rather than a movie, falling cringely flat at whatever it was trying to do. Ultimately, it’s a Smith film for fans only, and even then, maybe not.

Key Scene: The closest thing we’ve got to a Good Will Hunting sequel.
Recurring actors: Joey Lauren Adams; Ben Affleck; Jeff Anderson; Jason Biggs; George Carlin; Matt Damon; Shannen Doherty; Dan Etheridge; Dwight Ewell; Walter Flanagan; Bryan Johnson; Jason Lee; Jason Mewes; Tracy Morgan; Scott Mosier; Ernest ODonnell; Brian OHalloran; Vincent Pereira; Chris Rock; Stephen Root; Seann William Scott; Harley Quinn Smith; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith; Kevin Smith; Ethan Suplee; John Willyung

09. Cop Out (2010)

Cop Out is an easy target, often considered Smith’s worst to date, even if I don’t find it quite as bad as everyone makes it out to be (and yet, still pretty bad). However, once you realise Smith didn’t actually write the film (only directed it, the sole example on my list), we can’t exclusively blame the guy for this typical homage to the buddy cop genre. At its core, it’s an adventure where two partners grow as a team whilst dealing with their own personal lives, featuring Tracy Morgan (performing as well as always) fearing his wife’s infidelity, and Bruce Willis (who reportedly hated working with Smith due to his excessive pot smoking) trying to find enough money to pay for his daughters wedding. If that clumsy textbook synopsis didn’t already bore you to murder, then the overly eager film will, which tries so desperately to get you to laugh that you forget how, instead leaving you annoyed without any memory as to what actually happened. Perhaps it’s not the disaster every critic has labeled it, but in its incomplete, formulaic agony, it’s a movie which has been done a thousand times before and almost always better.

Key Scene: Morgan quoting Die Hard is just the kind of naughty self reference only Smith has the balls to do.
Recurring actors: Jason Lee; Tracy Morgan; Jim Norton; Ernest ODonnell; Kevin Pollak; Seann William Scott; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith; Kevin Smith

08. Clerks II (2006)

Set 10 years after the original, Clerks II is pretty much the same old shit: a commentary on growing up and maintaining friendships whilst trying to survive the minimum wage rat race, except now as immature 30-something slackers as opposed to the more forgivable 20-something versions from before. Of course, the cult fan following served the reception well, many blindly praising the continuation of Smith’s everyday dialogue as well as the loveable casting (Dawson alone carries a lot of the movie herself), but personally I found this subpar development to be a substanceless pile of pointless disappointment, where we, the viewers, have grown up much faster than these protagonists, who act far too childish for their age group and that makes me feel old in just saying. It came across as more fun to make than watch, whilst trying too hard to be crude and emotionally touching at the same time, yet ultimately failing at both, exposing what is wrong with most of Kevin’s efforts: forcing tackiness straight into the oblivion of obviousness. I mean, the whole donkey ordeal? C’mon, that was way over the vulgar-cringe line even for Smith, but then again, maybe you’re into that sorta stuff.

Key Scene: All criticism aside, that Silence of the Lambs moment was one my favourite Smith moments in his filmography.
Recurring actors: Ben Affleck; Jeff Anderson; Walter Flanagan; Jason Lee; Jason Mewes; Scott Mosier; Brian OHalloran; Harley Quinn Smith; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith; Kevin Smith; Ethan Suplee

07. Red State (2011)

Despite this low position, there’s a lot to love about Red State. Essentially a cult-like horror, it covers every base, from sex to religion (the whole plot presented as one preachy anti-church seminar) to violence (lots of violence, people die), and in that way, could easily appeal to Smith fans and non-Smith fans alike, as one very different offering from the director. Furthermore, the performances are memorable (Michael Parks is worth the watch alone) and it is visually brilliant, probably the best looking Smith film on this list as far as style goes. But by the time it had reached its conclusion, I couldn’t escape the question of “was that it?” The idea was there and it was a good one, but the execution was so thin, messy, and directionless that I couldn’t imagine the script to be any more than a few pages long. Simply put, it felt unfinished, as if it “almost worked”, which is why this is yet another one of Smith’s later efforts which received mixed reviews at best, perhaps rather swallowed as an example of where the man tried to make a movie just slightly beyond his capabilities. Which still does deserve some appreciation, granted.

Key Scene: It’s difficult because there doesn’t really feel like there are that many distinctive scenes here, but I guess the whole action-packed mid-section was quite exciting?
Recurring actors: Betty Aberlin; Ralph Garman; Michael Parks; Kevin Pollak; Stephen Root; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith

06. Jersey Girl (2004)

Smith took an admirable risk with Jersey Girl, turning focus away from his trademark vulgar humour, opting rather to tell a heartfelt family story, dealing with the tragedy of loss and the struggles of single parenthood. Unfortunately, it was a gaggy flop, critics quick to tear the casting apart without focusing on the actual movie itself, which I consider unfair. Although, it has to be said, the casting was atrocious. Affleck performs well but is hard to take seriously, Castro comes across unauthentic, Carlin is uncharacteristically forgettable, and ... J.Lo?? Ughhhh! In fact, only Tyler feels like the right choice for her role, but even the unavoidable Liv charm could not save this film from crawling along like some formulaic, bland, safe effort from a director who has built a reputation from doing the exact opposite. BUT ... somehow I cannot bring myself to dislike this film, as its sweet nature and feel-good cuteness is still a cry-worthy journey, and if nothing else, is a fresh glimpse into Smith’s rare mature side, fundamentally a respectable effort in regards to trying something different and not completely failing at it.

Key Scene: The whole Will Smith running gag is great.
Recurring actors: Betty Aberlin; Ben Affleck; Jason Biggs; George Carlin; Matt Damon; Dan Etheridge; Jason Lee; Ernest ODonnell; Vincent Pereira; Stephen Root; Harley Quinn Smith; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith; John Willyung

05. Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

It’s difficult to think of a title which sums up a film as accurately as this one. For, yes, Zack and Miri make a porno to solve their cash flow issues, and of course, fall in love in the process, simples. It’s Smith’s silly little rom com with a smutty centre, filthy but friendly, an unorthodox cuteness which, unfortunately, critics didn’t approve of. The usually "bankable" Rogen experienced his "worst box-office opening ever", the reception reportedly sending Smith into a deep depression following, and it doesn’t take a film connoisseur to work out why. The flick tries too hard to be crude just for the sake of it, and as a result, is another predictable piece of writing from the director, “a new low”, as some have called it. But in that same breath, I consider it underrated, as it only backfires in its desperate raunchiness due to the mushy heart dominating the execution, all corny and awkward and even ... touching (for a porn theme). It hits more than it misses, it’s not as disgusting as it wishes it was, and I honestly consider it one of Smith’s “better” works. Well, sort of.

Key Scene: Full frontal Jason! No homo.
Recurring actors: Betty Aberlin; Jeff Anderson; Justin Long; Jason Mewes; Jim Norton; Ernest ODonnell; Jennifer Schwalbach Smith

04. Clerks (1994)

And from here, it’s only the big boys, and there isnt much bigger than Smith’s debut, a film which proves that you don’t need a large budget, a real plot, or even colour to create an accidental classic so financially successful that it’s often considered one of the greatest independent comedies of all time. Exposing a day in the life of two half hearted slacker employees dealing with customers, running on the fuel of dialogue alone, there is no message here. Nobody is trying to save the world. Our characters just want to get through their shift, and in that way, it feels authentic as a slice of life we can all relate to whilst dying in hysterics from the excessive, politically incorrect toilet humour. But while Clerks would top many a Smith junkie’s list, personally I consider it slightly overrated for its cult status, and with all the sequels and animated versions which followed, it has grown a little weary in my eyes, sorry. Still, no one can deny this is Smith at his very best, with nothing to prove and ultimately the flick which made him the superstar he is today.

Key Scene: Difficult to think of one “key scene” when the movie is essentially quotable quote after quote, but I’ll go with when Silent Bob speaks his wisdom, simply because it’s a cool thing for Smith to have done and the first of that running theme.
Recurring actors: Jeff Anderson; Walter Flanagan; Jason Mewes; Scott Mosier; Ernest ODonnell; Brian OHalloran; Vincent Pereira; Kevin Smith; John Willyung

03. Mallrats (1995)

As Smith’s sophomore, as well as the prequel to Clerks (set the day before), obvious human nature is to compare this offering to his debut, and generally, quite unfavourably. People called it flawed and people called it juvenile, but I call that bullshit, this underrated reception leaving me completely dumbfounded. For starters, it’s not all that different from his first effort, yet another semi-plotless slacker stoner movie, complete with many of Smith’s playful trademarks such as awkward situations, vulgar dialogue, comic book obsessions, and a silly childlike charm, except set in a mall rather than a store this time. But beyond that, what really sets Mallrats superior in my mind, is its deeper understanding of the hardships of break-ups. As the impressionable youth I was when I first watched it, this movie granted me some unlikely tools to deal with heartbreak in a humourous manner, which still serves me to this very day. Perhaps that was never its intention, but regardless, is why I personally hold this film dear to me as almost life changing as well as one of Kevin’s greatest works—better than your precious Clerks, anyway. Oh, and Jason Lee owns it.

Key Scene: Most people would probably flock towards the Stan Lee thing, but honestly, it was the spooning arm metaphor which always stuck with me.
Recurring actors: Joey Lauren Adams; Ben Affleck; Shannen Doherty; Walter Flanagan; Bryan Johnson; Jason Lee; Jason Mewes; Scott Mosier; Brian OHalloran; Kevin Smith; Ethan Suplee

02. Dogma (1999)

As this list should effortlessly illustrate, there are generally two types of Smith films: the safe, immature, more successful “stick to what he knows” type; and the different, less successful “out of his depth” type. But Dogma is the exception. Telling the age-old tale of good vs. evil, two fallen angels have found a loophole in the Christian system to get back into heaven, and the fate of the world lies in the hands of an abortion clinic worker, obvs. And while such a pushy religious theme was a risky move on Smith’s part (even some death threats followed), the bold jump paid off, a rare glimpse into the director’s intellectual side, maintaining the humour whilst even toying with something ... profound? Wait, Kevin Smith? Profound?? Did he actually write this movie?? Evidently so, as only someone as stoned as him could think up a concept as ludicrous as Buddy Christ. Sure, some critics called it bloated, pretentious, and unnecessarily long, but for me this well casted effort is almost as close to a masterpiece as he can get, and I eagerly rock in my seat every time the mention of a potential sequel comes up. And it often does.

Key Scene: Avoiding spoilers hard here, but for those who are in the know, I’ll say one word: God.
Recurring actors: Betty Aberlin; Ben Affleck; Jeff Anderson; George Carlin; Matt Damon; Dan Etheridge; Dwight Ewell; Walter Flanagan; Bryan Johnson; Jason Lee; Jason Mewes; Scott Mosier; Ernest ODonnell; Brian OHalloran; Vincent Pereira; Chris Rock; Kevin Smith; Ethan Suplee

01. Chasing Amy (1997)

As an oblivious heterosexual male, it’s hard for me to comment on the lesbian controversy which backhanded this film’s release. Perhaps it’s my own ignorance, but I felt this was Smith’s genuine attempt at accurately commenting on the gender roles within a relationship, as well as the difficulty of stomaching the sexual history of one’s partner. I view it as almost an untraditional chick flick, “a chick flick for guys” I’ve heard it been called, with touching performances all around (I fell in love with Adams multiple times within its duration), provoking tears without breaking the vulgarity or comic book references we have come to rely on. And above all else, it analyses love, friendship, and homosexuality in a fair, romantic manner, as funny as always, but with more heart and sincerity, which, personally, has only helped me become more tolerant towards dykes and my own bitches. Because of these reasons, I stand up and proclaim this as Smith’s most mature offering—as Smith’s best offering—and the only “real” movie he has ever made.

Key Scene: The sex-injury Jaws parody.
Recurring actors: Joey Lauren Adams; Ben Affleck; Matt Damon; Dwight Ewell; Walter Flanagan; Bryan Johnson; Jason Lee; Jason Mewes; Scott Mosier; Ernest ODonnell; Brian OHalloran; Vincent Pereira; Kevin Smith; Ethan Suplee; John Willyung


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The Top 50 Albums of 2013 Expansion Pack

THIS WHOLE ARTICLE RELATES TO MY TOP 50 ALBUMS BLOG
PROBABLY READ THAT FIRST I RECKON

Chapter 1:
My Super Secret Process Of Album Listening

As fascinating as this won’t be, I’ve been doing this whole “50 Albums Of The Year” thang for, like, a million years now (read: four), and I feel like I have got pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. My process of listening to and reviewing music has developed into such a streamlined ordeal, that it is a joy rather than a chore to experience (which wasn’t always the case before, believe you me you me). Which is why I feel like I am in a good position to share with you how I (in 2013) reached some sort of an apex of chewing, swallowing and spitting out as much music as any one person could possibly survive on, granting each release the attention it needed and reaching the end with a nice neat little package of the 50 best, all suited up, reviewed and ready to force feed to you like the pathetic baby bird you are. This, my friends, is my super secret process of listening to albums, in seven easy steps.

(1) I started right away, putting my ear to the musical ground the moment January hit 12:00AM. Finding music to listen to has never been a problem, and I would always discover something by paying extra attention to Metacritic, Rate Your Music, Pitchfork’s best new music (shock!), and of course, my friends’ suggestions. There were other spices in the mix too (following the twitter accounts of NME or the Guardian Music or Stereogum, for example) but what’s important is that my list of Must Listens grew faster than I could pick away from, and as discouraging as that concept is, it was imperative to shoving my mind full of tunes. And shoving, I did! My goal was to hear between 12-16 new releases a week, which isn’t too difficult when you break it down to a day-by-day-play basis.

(2) Now here is a real shiny slice of advice for you: whilst listening to each and every single one of these albums, I took notes. This was important because it meant that after each said experience, I had a little disjointed review detailing my journey. Such a process was invaluable to the eventual top 50, because when it came time to write their more detailed reviews, most of it was already there. But even above that, by taking notes on every album helps you remember what you thought, as it can be quite hard to recall how an exact song goes, but much easier to recall what you wrote down about it. Finally, to keep the important ones tickling my mind, I saved every 2013 song I loved into a Spotify playlist which I would also listen to on a daily basis, keeping my memory fresh. Oh, you want to hear that playlist? Here you go (sort by Date Added to mainly surface this year).

(3) As everyone knows, one simply cannot judge an album by one listen. That’s why I played by the “third time lucky/three strikes you out” rule, ensuring each album got three chances to convince me, all the while taking notes on each listen. Now, some may argue that this is not enough listens either, but I don’t care what people say, because I was on a mission that didn’t include them. Furthermore, while I’ll admit certain albums were thrown aside after LESS than three listens, others were listened to MORE than three times, because I could tell I was nearly there but not quite there yet. Add that up with the countless individual songs saved into the aforementioned playlist, as well as the albums which made the finals who received even more listens, and I figure I had a pretty decent grasp on the whole thing.

(4) Great, so after a few weeks I already had quite a large amount of entries. I would organise these albums by month, and then within each month, order them from best to worst. Furthermore, I would colour code them: Grey = Never Listen Again (I don’t care for it); Light Purple = Reserved (wouldn’t be too upset if it made the final list); and Dark Purple = Definite (it passed the audition and would inevitably make the final list).

(5) After a few months of utilising this method, it became obvious that the reserves meant nothing as there were more than enough Definites to meet the top 50 quota. But then, after another few months, it became obvious that I had far too many Definites too and would have to let some of them go. This is when I introduced the Red colour code = Imperative. That’s the albums we see in the main article. Now, I can’t express this enough, do not start the year with Imperatives in mind. I would only label an album Imperative a few months AFTER I had listened to it three times, because while some albums were incredible whilst I was in the middle of them, I found that after a while, I couldn’t even remember what they sounded like. You need a cooling off period to really know what an album is made of. Which is why some technically superior albums didn’t get selected for my list. It was the ones which truly impacted my mind which made the final cut, for better or worse.

(6) And then round about July, I started to panic. I had far too many albums coming in at such a rate that by the time the end of 2013 approached, I would not have enough time to listen to all of them three times. I solved this by changing my daily approach, where for every two new albums I listened to, I would make sure I listened to a further three albums for their third time. Which basically meant: for every two shoved into the system, three would get shoved out. So each day that passed, there was one less album I had to worry about, and by adding that up over the course of six months, you can see how I effortlessly rounded everything up nicely, each release still receiving the attention they deserved.

(7) That said, my list of “Must Listen To” albums still grew faster than I could keep up with, and so around October I set up a clever spreadsheet to keep track of these releases. Within said spreadsheet, I set up the formula “=SUM(A2*20+B2)/2”. A2 was any given album’s Rate Your Music score (a rating set by general users like you and me) out of 5, times by 20 to give it a percentage. This number would be added to B2, which was the same album’s Metacritic score (a rating set by professional critics) and then halving the sum of the two, once again giving us an overall percentage based on the combination of general public and qualified expert opinions. Ordering this spreadsheet in descending order provided me with all the information I needed as to which releases I had to listen to, and which ones were decidedly less important.

By using this system I managed to get through 458 albums by the end of it all, which beat last year’s 234 by a substantial amount; obliterated 2010’s pathetic 159, but still fell short of my crazy 2011 year when I listened to 580 (which was ridiculous in hindsight, and I would never even attempt something like that again for my own sanity). Regardless, 2013 proved itself to be yet another incredible year of music, and I am ecstatic over how everything all turned out.

However (and as I already mentioned in the introduction of my final product), I am allowing access to the quick “first impression” reviews I wrote for every single album I listened to this year, over here. So if you are gutted that your favourite didn’t make the cut, you can look there to find out why, and also accept my apology here: sorry.

I hope this helps you listen to more music next year, and here is some more stuff you can read in the mean time:

Chapter 2:
Here, Have 50 More

Putting together a list like this is never without its agony, and as if murdering my own little children, I had to mercilessly hack down many worthwhile albums which narrowly missed the ladder for one reason or another. However, I will honour those fallen soldiers here, as putting together the following list was as painstaking to organise as the A-team, and took almost as long. This is very serious:


51. Gorguts - Colored Sands (I actually wrote a review for this one)
52. Touché Amoré - Is Survived By (I actually wrote a review for this one)
53. FIDLAR - FIDLAR
54. Woodkid - The Golden Age
55. The Haxan Cloak - Excavation
56. Savages - Silence Yourself
57. Juno Reactor - The Golden Sun of the Great East
58. Dawn Angeliqué Richard - Goldenheart
59. Jenny Hval - Innocence is Kinky
60. Iceage - You’re Nothing
61. Autre Ne Veut - Anxiety
62. Goldfrapp - Tales of Us
63. Melt-Banana - Fetch
64. Lorde - Pure Heroine
65. Celeste - Animale(s)
66. Danny Brown - Old
67. Autechre - Exai
68. R.A. the Rugged Man - Legends Never Die
69. Janelle Monáe - The Electric Lady
70. Oathbreaker - Eros|Anteros
71. Letherette - Letherette
72. The Field - Cupid’s Head
73. Chvrches - The Bones of What You Believe
74. The Dillinger Escape Plan - One of Us Is the Killer
75. Applescal - Dreaming In Key
76. Drake - Nothing Was the Same
77. Queens of the Stone Age - ...Like Clockwork
78. These New Puritans - Field of Reeds
79. Stara Rzeka - Cie? chmury nad ukrytym polem
80. Elton John - The Diving Board
81. Eluvium - Nightmare Ending
82. Dean Blunt - The Redeemer
83. Boards of Canada - Tomorrows Harvest
84. Vàli - Skogslandskap
85. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP 2
86. Gary Numan - Splinter (Songs From a Broken Mind)
87. Daniel Romano - Come Cry With Me
88. Jagwar Ma - Howlin
89. Chelsea Wolfe - Pain Is Beauty
90. Foxygen - We Are the 21st Century Ambassadors of Peace & Magic
91. Haim - Days Are Gone
92. Sleigh Bells - Bitter Rivals
93. Matana Roberts - Coin Coin Chapter Two: Mississippi Moonchile
94. Ashley Monroe - Like A Rose
95. Body/Head - Coming Apart
96. Death Grips - Government Plates
97. Blue Sky Black Death - Glaciers
98. Speedy Ortiz - Major Arcana
99. The Wonder Years - The Greatest Generation
100. H.A.M Squad - Instant Classic
(I just couldnt do it!)
101. Suuns - Images du futur
102. Anna Calvi - One Breath

Chapter 3:
Hall of Fame

Now that we have now finished the fourth year of the decade so far (as well as the fourth one of these articles Ive written), a few of the more superior artists have begun to rear their pretty heads, and I want to praise them lot here.
How it works is that I scoured my last articles to see which names appeared more than once. These entires included those from 2010; 2011; The 25 Albums That Narrowly Missed The 2011 list (Part 5 of this article); 2012; the near 2012 misses from the bottom of that same article; 2013; and the 2013 extra 50 above this section.
The order was calculated by adding said albums positions together (e.g: 19 + 23 = 42) then dividing it by the amount of years it featured (e.g 42/2 = 21) to give it a score. The lower the number, the better the artist. Simples!


James Blake (2011’s James Blake #01; 2013’s Overgrown #09)
The Caretaker (2011’s An Empty Bliss Beyond This World #04; 2012’s Patience (after Sebald) #15)
Deftones (2010’s Diamond Eyes #10; 2012’s Koi No Yokan #16)
Kanye West (2010’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy #25; 2011’s Watch The Throne (with Jay-Z) #19; 2013’s Yeezus #01)
Frank Ocean (2011’s Nostalgia, Ultra #27; 2012’s Channel Orange #03)
The National (2010’s High Violet #06; 2013’s Trouble Will Find Me #25)
St Vincent (2011’s Strange Mercy #10; 2012’s Love This Giant (with David Byrne) #27)
Crystal Castles (2010’s (II) #19; 2012’s (III) #23)
Arcade Fire (2010’s The Suburbs #09; 2013’s Reflektor #33)
The Black Keys (2010’s Brothers #23; 2011’s El Camino #21)
Die Antwoord (2010’s $O$ #04; 2012’s Ten$ion #40)
Nick Cave (2010’s Grinderman (as part of Grinderman) #22; 2013’sPush the Sky Away (as part of Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds) #28)
M.I.A (2010’s // / Y / #29; 2013’s Matangi #23)
Tame Impala (2010’s InnerSpeaker #43; 2012’s Lonerism #13)
Vampire Weekend (2010’s Contra #41; 2013’s Modern Vampires of the City #21)
The Roots (2010’s How I Got Over #32; 2011’s undun #36)
Janelle Monae (2010’s The ArchAndroid #01; 2013’s The Electric Lady #69)
El-P (2012’s Cancer For Cure #53; 2013’s Run the Jewels (as part of Run the Jewels) #18 )
Killing Joke (2010’s Absolute Dissent #28; 2012’s MMXII #47)
Anais Mitchell (2010’s Hadestown #05, 2011’s Young Man In America #76)
Jack White (2010’s Sea of Cowards (as part of Dead Weather) #46; 2012’s Blunderbuss #36)
Sleigh Bells (2010’s Treats #03; 2012’s Reign Of Terror #45; 2013’s Bitter Rivals #92)
Killer Mike (2012’s R.A.P. Music #74; 2013’s Run the Jewels (as part of Run the Jewels) #18)
Nicolas Jaar (2011’s Space Is Only Noise #50; 2013’s Psychic (as part of Darkside) #43)
Death Grips (2012’s The Money Store #06; 2013’s Government Plates #96)
Matana Roberts (2011’s COIN COIN Chapter One: Gens de couleur libres #13; 2013’s Coin Coin Chapter Two: Mississippi Moonchile #92)
Sigur Rós (2012’s Valtari #86; 2013’s Kveikur #30)
Chelsea Wolfe (2011’s Apokalypsis #32; 2013’s Pain Is Beauty #89)
Anna Calvi (2011’s Anna Calvi #28; 2013’s One Breath #103)
Eminem (2010’s Recovery #47; 2013’s The Marshall Mathers LP 2 #85)
Suuns (2011’s Zeroes QC #59; 2013’s Images du futur #101 )

Chapter 4:
Unlistened to Albums on My Radar

I am only one guy, but even if I was a hundred guys, I still could never listen to every album released in the year. Its impossible, try it! However, I took note of every single album which was suggested to me by one source or another, which inevitably meant there was this tragic list of left-behinds left behind. Maybe one of these albums were actually the Album Of The Year, who knows? I dont know. I cant even think like that, man, Im nearly dead as it is.

Amorphis - Circle
Armory - Empyrean Realms
Avatarium - Avatarium
Avenged Sevenfold - Hail to the King
Avril Lavigne - Avril Lavigne
Ayreon - The Theory of Everything
Bastille - Bad Blood
Birdy - Fire Within
Boy George - This Is What I Do
Britney Spears - Britney Jean
Chase & Status - Brand New Machine
Childish Gambino - Because the Internet
Crystal Antlers - Nothing Is Real
Crystal Stilts - Nature Noir
Cut Copy - Free Your Mind
Da Mafia 6ix - 6ix Commandments
Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip - Repent Replenish Repeat
Deap Vally - Sistrionix
Dennis Johnson - November (R. Andrew Lee)
Dizzee Rascal - The Fifth
DOTT - Swoon
Earthless - From the Ages
Eliza Doolittle - In Your Hands
Factory Floor - Factory Floor
Fat White Family - Champagne Holocaust
Fates Warning - Darkness in a Different Light
Fen - Dustwalker
Frankie Rose - Herein Wild
Glasser - Interiors
Hammock - Oblivion Hymns
Hopsin - Knock Madness
James Blunt - Moon Landing
John Mayer - Paradise Valley
Jonwayne - Rap Album One
Katatonia - Dethroned & Uncrowned
Katy Perry - PRISM
Las Kellies - Total Exposure
Less Than Jake - See The Light
M+A - These Days
Moby - Innocents
Morcheeba - Head Up High
Motorhead - Aftershock
Mount Eerie - Pre-Human Ideas
Night Beds - Country Sleep
NYPC - NYPC
Oliver Wilde - A Brief Introduction to Unnatural Light Years
Peter Brötzmann - Long Story Short
Pity Sex - Feast of Love
Portugal. The Man - Evil Friends
Progenie Terrestre Pura - U.M.A.
Qwel & Maker - Beautiful Raw
R Kelly - Black Panties
Scar the Martyr - Scar the Martyr
Sebastien Grainger - Yours To Discover
Shearwater - Fellow Travelers
Special Request - Soul Music
The Besnard Lakes - Until in Excess, Imperceptible UFO
The Child of Lov - The Child of Lov
The Internet - Feel Good
The Men - New Moon
This Routine Is Hell - Howl
Tindersticks - Across Six Leap Years
Travis - Where You Stand
Ulcerate - Vermis
Violent Soho - Hungry Ghost
William Tyler - Impossible Truth
Wooden Shjips - Back to Land

Beyoncé - Beyoncé
Contemporary R&B
December 13

And then my greatest fear happened: two days after my cut-off date, one of the most original R&B records Ive ever heard leaped out of the shadows from one of the most unlikely candidates I could have ever predicted. It was like, first Justin Timberlake, now this?? Beyoncé actually released a better album than Jay-Z this year??? I dont even know you anymore, music! Because here is an album unconcerned with hits, much more concerned with creativity, coated in unexpected tricks and unorthodox melodies, little samples from Beyoncés musical career cleverly tying the dynamic unit together, boldly moving into regions so much darker than shed ever dared to venture before. And more than anything, it owns every other female artist out this year, reinforcing her strength as a woman made from pure determination—from the unconventional business model (no promotion, no hype, exclusively released on itunes), to the imagination (each song has its own short film ffs), to the sexual freedom (which, truthfully, can get a bit cringy at times), and yet never losing her human element, surrendering frequent glimpses into the personal insecurities which come with married life and parenthood. Honestly, if this was released a month earlier, it could have been the Album Of The Year, and that is heartbreaking.


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